I'm writing this article to be a couple things I haven't been in my posts lately- honest, genuine, and most importantly-real. I'm writing this mostly for myself because that's what writing started as to me- a place to express myself and get my feelings out. But, I'm also writing this in hopes that other people out there need to hear this too, because it's hard when you feel like you're the only one. Because we live in this society where we keep the touchy things- the private things- exactly as that-private. However, we habitually post about all the positives every hour on the hour. We flood our feeds with filtered life updates, we photoshop our pictures to the point out parents ask if we're eating enough. We make facebook photo-albums for each year of our lives with series of pictures to show every single social event we've ever attended. We only talk about the good- even when that isn't always the case.
College is hard. Emotionally, I'm drained. I feel lonely a lot of the time despite never getting any alone time to myself. Physically, my meals only consist of carbs. I could not tell you the last time I ate a strawberry or genuinely any fruit for that matter. I forgot to drink water and have abused the coca-cola freestyle machine to my own Dr.Pepper advantage. Health wise, I have been sick for almost the entirety of my college living experience. I was charged way too much for blood work and X-rays at a free health center because they apparently could only diagnose me with bronchitis so many times before assuming it has to be something else. Socially, I feel like I don't have the millions of friends social media promised me college would provide. Spiritually, I am having to give up my dream job before I even started it, and it's killing me. Academically, I have calculated my grade and what I have to get to maintain my scholarship after every single assignment. Not everything is always so great- atleast not as good as everything online suggests that it should.
We glamorize this time in life. It is a scapegoat from high school hell. It's a pinterest dream of edited collages and aesthetic-style coffee shops. It's a trip to local restaurants all your favorite instagrammers post about. We want this to be the best time ever. This has to be the best it ever gets. And most of the time, it is. This semester has introduced me to some of the best people I have ever met. It took me to small bagel shops and the glory that is Raising Canes. College gave me a team to truly cheer for and a whole stadium to call on the dawgs with. It gave me a big who became my best friend. It forced me out of my comfort zone and into starting conversations in community bathrooms and elevators. It gave me a whole new church and small group and bible study to get involved in and fall in love with. Athens lead me to community service activities to do what really matters in this world. It gave me a place to make a difference while becoming a different person all together.
Lately, I wanted my articles to glamorize my life. I wanted to show everyone I didn't like how far I have come and how happy I have been. But the truth is, I am happy and I am farther along, but I don't need to post about my life in details that don't always accurately pertain to it. I study so much more than I post about, and I don't always make the grades that you would originally associate with my late nights in the Miller Learning Center. I spend my hard-earned money on food I can barely affoard. The popsicles and crepes and picnics I post about get expensive and its stressful. I openly admit to editing my pictures because I don't always love what the Bolton Dining Commons has done to my body I worked hard for leading up to graduation.
The truth is, everything is not the way we see it. Our accounts and pages are our highlight reels- rehearsed, practiced, edited, transformed, but our real lives are the 'behind the scenes' and are what matters. And truth is, the quiz I almost forgot about won't take away my scholarship I worked so hard to earn. My friends are wonderful, and they're important to my time here even if my friendships don't look like I wanted them to. I have some of the best people in my life, and that is truly the best I could have ever asked for. The late classes I signed up for are already taking away the stress of never getting enough sleep, and I'm feeling rested for the first time in a while. It's those couple hours that make me feel better about getting pasta at the dining hall after class. Financially, a few dollars on a wonderful memory of getting paletas with people who treat me right.
This time is seen as an 'end all be all', but it's not. Friendships come and go regardless of your stage in life, but the lasting ones are what matters. The people who support and love you are the ones who are worth your love. Sometimes a couple dollars spent doing good things with good people is worth the investment far more than having a little extra money ever will. Sometimes, being lonely is okay. The feeling forces you to realize who you are, what makes you happy, what doesn't, an d what you need to change. A lot of things will feel like the end of the world, but in reality, we are built for so much more than this semester, these college years, this lifetime on earth. We are made for the absolute most, but we spend our times stressing ver the absolute least.
It doesn't matter how many grapes you eat a week, or how many 0's are in your bank account, or how how clean your dorm room is. All that matters is who you are and how you can get better, and that's never worth losing sight of. It's the only thing worth staying focused around.
