When I first found out I got into USC, I was ecstatic. That is, until I found out there was one condition: I would have to wait until next January to start. After much consideration, a few YouTube videos, and many conversations with a close friend of mine who had gotten Fall admission, the idea of going to USC was something I couldn't let go of. So, last June I packed my bags and moved to Santa Monica, where I would live with my aunt and uncle for the next six months until I could go to the school of my (recent) dreams.
The first couple months I did a lot of exploring. I got pretty familiar with the area I was in, but it was pretty lonely. I didn't know anyone except for my family, and the only people I hung out with were those from out of town who came to visit me. So I learned to go out by myself. I had solo adventures, tried to work on "finding myself". But the truth is, you never really find yourself. You only find yourself in new situations and change even more, just when you thought you had yourself all figured out.
In late July I started working at Starbucks, and I probably learned more working there than at the actual community college I attended. I made some friends at work but we never really hung out, which I was okay with since they were all older than me. So I tried to put in as much hard work as I could. I probably cranked out about a million lattes in one 45 minute period, tried to "make a customer connection". But the truth is, some people are just awful. And the biggest thing I learned here was that service employees don't get paid enough for what they do.
Then in August I finally started community college (I had taken a class that summer, but this was when I had my first actual schedule), and HOLY HELL this felt like the longest four months of my life. It was difficult to make friends here because a. I was shy and b. the age thing. So I tried to apply myself to school and work and making music as much as possible. I tried to avoid the endless Instagram posts about how much fun my peers were having six miles away. But then I looked at my own feed. I was smiling in all my pictures, constantly looking for new places to shoot. But I wasn't happy. I was lonely. And I realized that social media is a fat lie: nobody really lives like that and it was unrealistic of me to compare myself to others.
Look, some spring admits have a lot of fun their first semester, but I know a lot of you will feel me when I say that it was really hard. However, waiting an extra semester to come to USC was a decision I would make again in a heartbeat. Sometimes life is hard, and that's okay. I came out of my spring admit struggles a more mature person. If I wasn't a spring admit I might still be on a wild goose chase for "my true self", I might be taking the baristas at the 24/7 Starbucks for granted, and I might still be obsessing over likes and followers (alright I lowkey still care about this and it's something I'm working on, but I've at least acknowledged that it isn't everything). But most of all, what I'm glad I'm able to do now is truly appreciate the people around me. So to all my spring admits out there: you can take a deep breath now. Everything is going to be okay.
