Dear reader, it is true that accounts about triumph are frequent. However, conversations about the pain of losing hope, because of a fall from victory, are rare. This story is dedicated to you:
The aroma of cheap beer, along with a hint of sweat and urine pervades this dimly lit-hole-in-the-wall bar. There are only four occupants in here, myself included. All of us are sitting at a round, roughly hewn table.
The owner of this watering hole sits across from me, my psychotic oppressor, you may know him well. His name is Agony.
The person whom I've labelled my sociopathic abuser sits to my left and his skin is gently glowing. His name is Hope.
The person, who's rescued me countless times, is a person who appears normal yet her power is awe inspiring. She sits at my right and her name is Love.
As for me, you can call me Soul.
I invite you to listen in on our conversation:
Love: Dear Soul, where does you oppressor hurt you? What does the pain feel like? What does Agony tell you? What is it like when those urges to stay down blind you? Answering these questions will help get the weight off your mind.
Soul: My oppressor has injured my spirit, it has shattered upon his touch. His assault is so intense that it is the greatest pain that I have ever known. I hurt the most within the center of my bosom, therein a force violently pushes inwards.
Agony has hijacked my mind and now I believe that my broken nature has become a burden to all I know. Guilt courses through my veins like never before. I fear that I am beyond redemption's door.
Hope: You are not, nor will you ever be, a burden to those whose hearts beat for yours. The affection you have for them will always be mutual, this I know.
Soul: Why should I believe you? Everytime that I am able to find and spend time with you, you allow me to get snatched away by Agony. The fall from your supposed grace makes my pain so much more nightmarish. I feel as if you are an agent for Agony.
Dear Love, Agony steals many of my comforting memories, only you, an agent of my companions, and that deceptive Hope, are able to retrieve them. As for when I receive those urges to stay down, I feel no presence of Hope or joy. It is then that I forget that I was a source for some of their heartwarming smiles, a subject of their compassionate words, and a partaker of those anchoring embraces.
Agony jumps over the table with lightning speed and begins to strangle me from behind. Before Love and Hope can stop him, he moves with inhuman speed to un-holster his weapon, as he removes its safety. He places the cold, heavy metal over my heart and he brings my finger to the trigger. He overlays his hands over mine, trapping them there. His chest is pressed up against my back and the base of my skull. His proximity allows my fractured mind to shatter.
Agony: My captive, how many times will it be that I surprise you with these urges to remain down, before you commit to give in, once and for all? You are worthless. Hope and Love are figments of your imagination. Only you and I are here. If you really love others, you will cut your fractured soul from them as you finally embrace eternal defeat. After you've separated yourself from them, they will have peace since there won't be any more obligatory and tiresome work to endlessly lift you up. Most of them have lost the desire to be with you, those that still do soon won't. So sacrifice yourself for them, won't you give them that peace? Let's not delay time, I can feel you slipping away now.
Love: No! Don't listen to his lies, Soul. I know those urges to remain down feel like the best option right now but don't give in! I can feel your torment but my admiration for you has not waned.
I know it's difficult but strive to think of the good memories. Remember their sweet words, the empathy in their eyes, and their warm embraces. They truly care about you, through thick and thin. Obligation would not result in such a response, only Love is capable. I am how others view you, I am their affection. They know your pain and through me, they are fighting for you, so don't you give in.
Hope: Agony has great control over your mind dear Soul, but the choice to stay down is only up to you. If Agony had complete control over you, he alone would have murdered your resolve a long time ago. He would not have wasted his time in trying to convince you to give up the fight.
And I am not Agony's accomplice. If I was, then I would have helped him in convincing you to never rise again. All I've ever done is help rescue you. I am an accomplice of Love and I represent Truth.
You are capable of overcoming this, I believe in you.
The truth, spoken by Love and Hope, has taken me by force and it touches the spirit of Agony. I remove my finger from the trigger and wrestle from my oppressor's grasp. Able to break free, I throw the weapon across the room. I collapse as I shiver and sob. Agony regains his composure as he reaches out for me. Hope punches him in the gut and Love delivers the knockout blow.
My rescuers allow me to wrap my arms around their shoulders. They help carry me through the doorway and into the sunlit outdoors.
Soul: I know my urges to stay down will return. I know that Agony will always have some type of presence in my life...well, that's how it seems. I still feel him in my spirit, I can't seem to get rid of his presence.
Love: Now, let it be known: To struggle doesn't mean that one hasn't attained victory. Rather, victory is refusing to stay down. Struggle is a definition of victory. So truly, Agony is terrified of you because you have already won.
No matter what comes your way and no matter how many times you fall, the beautiful thing is that you are not alone in your fight.
Hope: And you will never be alone.
Love: And others love you, just as you love them.
Hope: And no matter what, you will always be loved.
