Worship has always been my favorite part of church. If I was running late enough to service that I would miss worship, I wouldn't even go to that service and would wait for the next. However, I realized recently that I was enjoying worship for all the wrong reasons. Perhaps my fellow singers can attest to this: no matter what context I am in if I am singing, I am doing my best to make sure it sounds good. Being aware of the way I am singing and constantly trying to make myself sound good during worship has always taken my attention away from what really matters: God and the relationship I am building with him.

The intent of worship is to show our adoration to God. In my effort to seem impressive to those around me, to prove that I really can sing, I frequently forget this. I could defend myself and say my focus on my voice is the enemy distracting me but in all honesty, it's a naturally conceited nature coming between me and God. Going into worship I have honest intentions, but it's never too long before I'm back to worrying about hitting every high note in Oceans.

I've known I had a problem with making worship about myself for a long time, but I always figured it wasn't something I could fix. Then one day, while visiting a friend's church, the worship team which I didn't know, and couldn't quite get the hang of, reminded me of something. Surprising myself, I was content to sit quietly and listen to what the lyrics were saying. I found myself paying more attention to the meaning behind the song, not just how good I sounded singing along to it. That morning I was truly experiencing the presence of God in a way I rarely do during worship. That morning the band continued playing songs I'd never heard, and I continued not singing along. And though I didn't sing a word, it was the most impactful and genuine time of worship I had ever experienced.

I decided that Sunday to continue not singing in worship as a type of fast. My intention was to remove what was distracting me from getting the most out of my worship. I kept this up for a month and experienced great personal growth during that time. It amazed me how connected I felt to God when I took my ego out of the equation and let myself experience him.

After that month, I let myself start singing worship again. As I've said, I love singing and worship music too much. It's difficult not to sing. However, I've been focusing on putting my voice behind praising God. A verse that helps steer me in the right direction reads "Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name," (Psalm 103:1). My favorite part of this verse is the phrase "all my inmost being." I can't truly praise God if I'm too busy wondering what the person next to me thinks of my voice.

There may be fellow singers out there who struggle with the same issue I do. Know that you're not alone, and this struggle doesn't make your relationship with God or your genuine worship any less valid. Don't look down on yourself for having the same attitude issues I do, but know that how your voice sounds is the least important part of worship. God isn't looking for perfect pitch and harmony, He's only after your heart.