As a kid, I remember wanting the lives of the cartoon characters I would see on TV. Who wouldn't want to live underwater like SpongeBob or have fairy godparents like Timmy Turner? Out of all the cartoon characters I could switch lives with, I wanted to be Kim Possible the most.
Kim Possible was beautiful, strong, and independent. She was a normal high school cheerleader with the ability to kick some major butt.
When I was older, I realized that the cartoon life wasn't realistic, but a teacher of mine helped me see that everyone is like an animated figure in some way. I took a leadership class my senior year in high school and my teacher gave everyone in the class a coloring sheet of a cartoon character he thought they were most like. Who did he give me? Kim Possible! He said I was a lot like her because I juggled all my extra-curriculars while still being a dependable person for any task. I definitely would say I was at a high point in my life my senior year, so being compared to Kim Possible made me feel invincible.
Then I got to college. This small town girl was overwhelmed with going to a college with more than 18,000 students. My high school didn't even have a thousand people.
In high school, I was involved in just about anything I thought I was capable of doing, I had a ton of friends I knew since I was 5, and I felt like I knew myself very well. At college, all of those things seemed to disappear.
I've usually never had trouble meeting new people or entering an unfamiliar situation before, but something about going to college was different. I went to interest meetings for clubs and tried a few different things, but every time I went, I had to mentally hype myself up for the amount of energy I had to put in to going to these meetings. I became so anxious to go to anything that involved new people or new situations. That was just the start.
I then started to see that I was having extremely introverted tendencies. I didn't want to go out with anyone. I just wanted to sit in my room and watch Netflix. Being around people made me tired, and when I was out with people, I needed 3 days to mentally recover from trying to impress them. I saw people making friends so easily, and I just couldn't understand why it was so natural to them. When it came closer to winter break, I still didn't have any close friends. I felt like a complete failure at the whole college thing.
Over winter break, I came very close to transferring, which is something not many people know. I wanted to move to a school 20 minutes from my house and where the majority of my high school friends went. I was just so mentally exhausted from trying to fit in and make friends at college that I was willing to give up and take the easy way out of my situation.
I found a great girl to be my roommate for my sophomore year, so I decided to stay and really give my all spring semester. I started meeting with people I met fall semester and became a lot closer to them. I also joined a sorority (something I never thought I would do). I began to put myself out there and became way more comfortable with being at school. I felt like I was finding myself again.
When I started to feel like I was thriving at college, I came across a picture of Kim Possible on Twitter. I smiled as I remembered the coloring sheet my high school teacher gave me. 3 months ago, I was the furthest thing from Kim Possible. I was anxious about the world and what life was handing me. I was being defeated by my internal villains and let them take control of my life. Thankfully, with he help of Jesus, friends, and family, I was able to save myself from those thoughts and the bad attitude I had about school.
As I begin my sophomore year of college, I'm looking back at my downfall freshman year and seeing the benefits of it. At the time it was terrible, but honestly, it helped me find myself. I have always been an outgoing, involved, determined person, and that just wasn't the case for the majority of this year. I lost my drive to be the best I could be and be that reliable person I always wanted to be. But now, I have realized life is truly what you make it.
As it says in Kim Possible's theme song, "there's nothing I can't do". That's the attitude I once had, lost, and now have again.
Call me, beep me, if ya wanna reach me.
