"Get over it." A phrase I never thought I'd hate as much as I do. To most, it probably seems like a common a phrase that should have little meaning. To me though, it shows a misunderstanding and belittlement of what I go through.
This phrase is something that gets uttered to me a lot when I'm going through a depression state or anxiety attack. I know in a lot of cases the people mean it in a nice way and just want me to get better, but it just doesn't work like that.
I wish more than anything I could just get over it. That I could turn off my anxiety and depression like a light switch. Do people really think I would choose to feel this way if I had an option? I wouldn't. I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone.
I don't like laying in my bed all night panicking and going over everything I believe I did or said wrong that day. I don't like feeling like I can't breathe or bursting into uncontrollable tears for unexplained reasons. Expecting the worst in every situation is not something I enjoy.
I have to practice in my head over and over again before I place an order because I'm afraid of looking like an idiot. I get scared when I see someone has replied to a message that I was terrified to send in the first place.
Horrible moments that most would forget in a few days...haunt me for months. I feel judged and terrified the moment someone looks at me.
It's like having two little demons following me. One that wants me to give up and not carry about anything. The other wants me to overly care and worry about everything. Always there...fighting for control of my life.
It's freaking exhausting. I have to put up with it every day. They don't take a break from poking at me. It's not something that just goes away.
So, no I will not get over it. Because every single day, I fight these two demons, and to be frank some days I fail. But for every one of those days that I may succumb to my anxiety and depression, there are about ten days that I won.
Look, everyone's anxiety and depression is different. You will never know what it's like to live with mine. Be thankful if you don't have to live with either one of them because they make my life more difficult every day. But don't you dare tell me to get over it.
