So, this week I turn 21. I know, #turnup right? Not the point of this article. I’m gonna be 21 and still completely single. Now please abstain from your thoughts of “That’s totally OK,” and “That’s so sweet; you’re waiting for the right person.” I promise you I’ve heard it all before and don’t need more people telling me how “okay” it is to have never been in a relationship at age 21. I understand that the world doesn’t revolve around romance and there are more important things but please hear me out here and understand where I’m coming from.

Spoiler alert: I’m gay. Basically everyone I know knew that before I did so not much of a surprise but, you know, if you really were unsure here you go. So a lot of straight people don’t seem to understand how much harder it is to date in the gay world at my age. A lot of people who are gay at my age are either too afraid to come out of the closet or have “decided” to be straight. Sorry you crazy Christians that believe in conversion therapy but it is never a choice to be gay. You think we choose to be discriminated against and assaulted by hateful people for falling in love? NO. Anyways, most people my age aren’t comfortable with their sexuality, mainly because society isn’t comfortable with it. So the dating pool that was already much smaller than the heterosexual population grows ever smaller. I’m also so comfortable in my sexuality now that people won’t want to date me because they're scared of me outing them. Yet another example of how society's opinions on homosexuality have screwed me.

One of the worst things that happens in the gay dating scene is “No Fats, No Fems.” Basically, gays like to separate themselves between feminine gays, or fems, and masculine gays. My favorite line that I’ve heard is “I want a man so act like one,” as if having feminine qualities makes you less of a man. I am fairly feminine. I have some masculine qualities as well but people like to only look at the more blatantly obvious traits I possess. I’m also a little tubby. I’m actually fairly average in my appearance, not too chubby but still not skinny. However, I qualify for the “fats” category. And people wonder why I have body issues.

So all this goes to show some of the barriers I have in my way to even begin dating. I’ve talked to plenty of guys before. I’ve turned to the dreaded Grindr in hopes of finding someone normal. So far I have come across guys who are interested in me for only sex, guys that are interested in me but the attraction isn’t mutual, and a LOT of closeted guys. I have talked with some closeted guys for ages, wasting my time on a relationship that wasn't even real. That’s why this sucks. Because when I talk to people about the closeted guys I’ve talked to and kept their secrets they call those guys my “exes.” I don’t have any exes. In fact most of those guys wouldn’t hang out with me without a group present as well. That isn’t fun. When that happens you feel like you aren’t even important enough for them to get to know you more personally but you keep trailing after them because you think a real date is just around the corner. I have been on one real date in my entire life. It was January of 2016 at a Cuppies and Joe with a guy I met on Grindr. You can guess how well that turned out.

I have never been kissed. Not even as an actor playing a role have I ever had a kiss. I’ve never had sex. I’ve never had a steady boyfriend. I’ve never had the chance to experience love in that way. I have great friends who hug me and cuddle with me while we eat pizza and watch disney movies and talk about how crappy life and people are. They hold my hand through tough times and I can’t tell you how important that is to me. I love them. I know they will always support me, but sometimes you just need more. So yes, it is nice that I haven't just settled for any horny guy on Grindr. It is sweet that I haven’t thrown away my first kiss. I don’t need you to tell me that. I don’t need your pity. Next time you go around telling people “You don’t need no man,” think about how you sound more like you are shaming them for wanting something beautiful with another person than giving them the confidence to live the single life. So here’s to my 21 year of still being single. I do hope that it soon changes.