Two simple words can hold a lot of power behind them. What used to be deep in meaning and significance, now has become something used in passing. "I'm sorry" has been an integral phrase in my vocabulary for a long time but I'm not the only one to overuse it. Think of how many times a day you say sorry versus how many times you deeply, truly mean it.
Someone bumps into me walking to class, I say sorry. I have a reasonable question yet I introduce it with "I'm sorry but can you explain..." Something out of my control happens to someone else, I say sorry. In the grocery store, someone wants to look at what I'm standing by and I still say sorry. I'm eager to tell a friend something but I end my story with "Sorry, I was just excited". I could go on and on about instances in my life where I say sorry for no true reason.
I believe that our incessant need to apologize originates from a place of not wanting to annoy another person. We don't want to bother them or come across as rude. Some might say that over apologizing just shows that you're kind, but I have another opinion. When we continue to say sorry in situations that an apology isn't even warranted, it shows a weakness within ourselves. We begin showing that we care more about what others think of us than we do even for ourselves. There are millions of ways to show kindness other than by apologizing and those are what show character. By saying "I'm sorry," we are letting others put the blame on us. We take the responsibility for a situation that probably wasn't anyone's fault, to begin with.
When looking even a little deeper, a sadder truth comes out. We have become so prone to apologize so quickly that we have begun to make an apology for ourselves. Not our actions, not even our accidents, but ourselves. If you ask a question and follow it up with, "Sorry for taking up your time" you are sending a message to the other person that you aren't worthy of their time and need to apologize for that. You could say it's just being polite, but a profound truth remains that it has more to do with apologizing for who you are.
You don't need to say sorry about taking up space. You don't need to apologize for asking a question. You don't need to say sorry when someone bumps into you. You don't need to apologize for being yourself authentically. As women, it has been shown that we apologize on a more frequent basis than men. The study suggests that women feel their actions have greater severity, warranting an apology. By looking for approval that our actions are okay to do, we inherently show we are second guessing ourselves. Building confidence in ourselves and standing behind our actions, unapologetically, signifies we are self-assured and strong.
Instead of saying, "my bad" try "excuse me." Instead of "I'm sorry" try turning it into "thank you." By telling a friend "thanks for listening" compared to "sorry, I had a lot to say," you take a new twist of gratitude to the situation versus an apologetic undertone. Gratitude can emphasize the good in our lives while unnecessary apologies dull our confidence. I, for one, have grown tired of feeling like an apology is a necessary sentence filler. Sorry is synonymous with remorse, yet I don't actually feel remorse for going to grab the same fruit as someone else in the store. I don't feel remorseful about someone bumping into me at The Pub. I want to gradually bring significance and true meaning to "I'm sorry" like it was meant to be. I am done saying sorry for who I am and the space I take up, and you should be too.
