Recently, I have been feeling exponentially overwhelmed. At nineteen, I'm graduating this spring with my bachelor's degree, I have no idea what I'm doing, how I'm going to reach my goals, or where I'm going. Am I going to get a full-time job? Am I going to join the Peace Corps? Am I going to move to Hawaii and live a life completely off the grid, eating mangos, and surfing all day? (I wish)
I have no freaking clue, and I'm sure most of you are feeling the same way.
Growing up, I put a ridiculous amount of pressure on myself. To get straight A's, excel at sports, be part of ASB, get scholarships, and go above and beyond with every task I was given. I wanted to be the perfect student/daughter/sister/friend and this mindset wrecked me. One time, during my junior year of high school, I got a C in a math class that I was struggling with and I was completely DESTROYED. I had never got a grade below an A- before and I beat myself up for weeks because I thought that I was a failure.
I so wish I wouldn't have put all of my self-worth into my grades and my success at sports. I might have actually enjoyed high school and I know without a doubt that I would have been a happier teenager.
I wish that I would have lived in the moment and embraced being a kid instead of trying so hard to be a mature adult.
I'm grateful for my work ethic, but I'm quickly watching myself spiral back into this mental space of feeling like a chicken in a pressure cooker, ready to pop because I want to change the world and I have no damn idea how to do that.
It's good to be a dreamer, but if there's one piece of advice that I could possibly give, it is that I'm figuring out that you have your entire life to accomplish your goals. Just by you being happy, kind, compassionate and living your best life, you will change the world. It's a ripple effect.
You're happy, it makes someone else happy. Their happiness makes someone else happy. Like when someone pays for your drink at Starbucks and you decide to pay it forward.
I recently saw a Rumi quote that read, "Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself." You don't deserve all of the pressure that you are putting on yourself. Embrace the unknown. You have two options, to either be anxious or to be excited. Choose excitement.
You will accomplish great things.
You're already a diamond.