My Hair And Clothes Should Not, And Do Not, Determine My Sexuality

My Hair And Clothes Should Not, And Do Not, Determine My Sexuality

Just because my hair is short doesn't mean I'm a lesbian.


I've always been both girly and tomboyish. I loved my Barbie dolls and wearing long flowy dresses and getting manicures. I also enjoyed playing in the mud and helping my dad work on his truck and playing soccer. I found it easy to balance both the girly and boyish hobbies that I enjoyed, never seeing an issue with any of it.

In third grade, I cut my hair short. Really short. And that's when the mockery began. All the kids in my class would say I looked like a boy. It took a while for my hair to grow and I was miserable going to class because I knew I would be made fun of for my hair. If I sat a certain way, the girls would say I was acting like a boy, so of course my hair cut didn't help.

Peep me in the middle with very short hair.

In high school, I hadn't learned my lesson and had cut my hair short again. I thought my body was developed enough to make the leap and cut my hair, but I was wrong. I had braces and short hair and wore pullover sweaters with my shirt collar popped out. I played soccer and enjoyed skateboarding and wanted to hang out with the guys. It was a recipe for humiliation.

Kids would poke fun at me and ask if I was a dike or a lesbian. I didn't understand why the length of my hair or the clothes I wore determined my sexuality. I didn't see a need to wear my shirt unbuttoned to show what little cleavage I had or wear bows or ribbons in my hair. I had a boyfriend for most of high school, but still, the fact that I wore bootcut jeans and cut up muscle tees meant that I was a lesbian to everyone.


In college, I cut my hair once more as a dramatic decision, thinking that I was finally comfortable enough in my own skin. And, as life seems to repeat itself, I was once again called a lesbian. I've been in a relationship for two years now, with a man, and am still called a lesbian. My hair is short, I dress comfortably, and that must mean that I'm a homosexual.

Feeling confident after a new style.

I have absolutely nothing against lesbians. Love who you love, you do you. I believe that the way a person likes to dress does not define their sexuality. I find t-shirts and jeans very comfortable. Boyfriend jeans, low rise with a loose feel, and a snug-fitting crop top is my favorite kind of outfit. On more than one occasion, however, I was told I looked like a lesbian.

Friends of my friends will say, "when I first met you, I thought you were a lesbian." Why is that? Is it because I like to dress comfortably? Because I'm confident? Because I'm comfortable with my sexuality and am not afraid to tell another woman she's beautiful? Why do my old t-shirts and bike shorts make me a lesbian, but it makes every other girl cute and approachable?

A casual look, paired with makeup, yet I knew people would be questioning me.

So does my outfit determine my sexuality? Do people ignore fact that I'm in a relationship with a man and have never been with a woman? Why do people like to label me as a lesbian when they know nothing about me or my lifestyle? I'm comfortable enough to undress in front of another woman or to say that another woman is hot, and I easily make friends with guys and can have a conversation with them about anything. It's always going to be an issue for other women because they can't wrap their heads around someone whose sexuality isn't an issue to them.

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13 Summer Struggles Only Thick Girls Understand

Chafing. So much chafing.


Summer is a lovely time. A time of cookouts, swimming, and sunny weather. But if you're a " thick girl," summer sometimes brings more unpleasantries than it does for slimmer women. No matter how beautiful and confident you are in your body, it can bring some struggles.

1. The living hell that is shorts-shopping

Step 1: Find the biggest size the store has.

Step 2: (If you can even get those on): Realize your stomach is being squeezed into the top, your butt is falling out of the back and your thighs are having the life squished out of them.

Step 3: Realize why winter isn't so bad.

2. And dealing with them even after finding a pair that "fits"

Nothing like taking a pair of shorts home you remember fitting you okay in the store and then walking for 45 seconds and pulling them out of your butt or crotch 17 times. Truly a magical experience.

3. And every bathing suit you try on shows more skin than you'd planned

Even the most conservative bathing suit turns into cleavage-city and a non-cheeky set of bottoms turns into a thong. I promise, older people glaring at me in my sexual bathing suit, I didn't mean for this to happen!

4. Chafing. So much chafing.

No better feeling than four minutes into wearing short shorts realizing that your inner thighs are literally tearing themselves apart. Body Glide and baby powder are a thick girl's No. 1 necessity.

5. Loving rompers. Rompers not loving you.

Rompers are made with short and skinny girls in mind. Heaven forbid you're not short, and heaven forbid you're not skinny. Rompers are like a mystical article of clothing that, no matter what, always just barely doesn't fit.

6. Imagining wearing a sundress with a strapless bra and just laughing

Of course, not all thick girls are well-endowed in the boob department, but if you are, you understand how hilarious the thought of you wearing a strapless bra truly is.

7. And bralettes are a thing of fantasy

Once again, bralettes are designed for a very specific body type. One that I do not fall into.

8. Feeling like you need to constantly defend yourself for dressing like you want to

There are so many posts and tweets and just general ideals that people have that certain sized women can't wear certain clothing. You shouldn't feel the need to defend yourself for wearing a cute crop top or a bikini, but you will.

9. And always feeling looked at when you're rocking your swimsuit

Yes, I see your judging eyes, and yes, they are making me feel like shit. It doesn't matter how confident you are in your body, people looking at you like you just killed somebody just because you're wearing something typically made for smaller women doesn't make you feel good.

10. Did I mention chafing?

I just felt like something so horrible couldn't just be mentioned once.

11. Online shopping for cute summer outfits and then none of them fitting you correctly

There's always the dreaded "one-size-fits-all" for plus-size women. As if there's just one way to be plus-size. No matter how much they promise online that it'll fit well, it won't.

12. Seeing tiny girls complaining about losing their "summer bodies"

So many tweets talking about choosing food over a summer body. So many profile pictures of traditionally skinny women. I'm not saying that thick girls are the only ones who can complain about their summer bodies, and thick girls do not have a monopoly one not feeling confident in their bodies. But it is hard to see those posts knowing that those women would be glorified in their swimwear while you'd be gawked at.

13. The "you go girl!" comments on your oh-so-brave bikini photos

Compliments are nice, and positive comments while wearing a bikini go a long way. But the dreaded "you go girl" comment just seems so condescending. Just treat me like anyone else you'd see wearing a bikini. I promise, I'd like to feel like that.

Cover Image Credit: Sara Petty

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If You Own 6 Of These 10 Brands, You Are 100 Percent Basic

How basic are you?


For every brand you own, give yourself a point.

5. The North Face Bookbag

6. Patagonia

Patagaonia Jacket


7. Hunter Rainboots

Hunter Rainboots

9. Nike Shorts (NORTS)

What was your score? Are you truly basic or not? If you are BASIC embrace that, who cares what anyone thinks! If you aren't basic, well then you are clearly embracing your style and thriving! Meanwhile, the rest of us are BASIC as can be and we love it!


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