It’s happened to us all. I was walking and talking with my father and sister, enjoying the comforting warm weather we did not usually get in the Midwest. We were in a rather crowded, popular shopping area, but we walked on the right side of the busy boardwalk careful to maneuver between all the people. I was mentioning something to my sister when suddenly a woman runs into me. She slams into my shoulder, dropping her beer cup to the ground in the process. Shocked, we stare at each other unsure of what just happened. “I’m so sorry” I say. But the lady continues to gawk at me, angry that her drink has fallen. Unsure of what to do, I reach down and pick up her fallen cup and handed it back. “Sorry” I say again, and my family and I continue on.

As I walk a little ways, I realize she was the one who ran in to me. But I was the one who apologized. Why was I sorry?

The part that bothered me most was realizing this was not the first situation I found myself unnecessarily apologizing. Too often I had heard myself, and others, apologizing over trying to enter a public building at the time as someone else or saying sorry because I thought, but usually was not, in the way of someone.

Walking on with my family, I was agitated that I apologized. An apology is “an expression of regret for having done or said something wrong”, but I did not do anything wrong. I was simply walking with my family on the correct side of the boardwalk. It did not do anything wrong. It was not my fault. Yet I said sorry when the woman from the opposing side crashed right into me.

To apologize, we are taking a big step to admit to a fault or wronging. Throwing out the term ‘sorry’ arbitrarily results in us undermining ourselves and our self-worth. Confidence is no longer a strong suit the more we ‘apologize’. Counting our sorrys, a lot of the time we apologize for something we should not actually be asking forgiveness for.

Women and girls are constantly seen as the ones who are apologizing. It may be because women don’t want to ‘make a scene’ in the workplace or girls tend to want to be friends with everyone, hoping to not make anyone unhappy with them. Woman shouldn’t have these fears. There is no shame in asking for help, or any crime in asking a question after class. Girls and women need to be reminded of the authority they can possess and use it in their daily life.

Stop being sorry. What we should be saying instead is ‘excuse me’ or even nothing at all. When not knowing exactly what to say next, just pause mid-sentence, instead of apologizing for taking time to form your thoughts. If someone being blatantly disruptive, like cranking hard rock music at 6 a.m. Then there is no need to be sorry for someone else’s doing.

Sorry, not sorry!