Stop getting so offended by everything! You’re so narcissistic and self-centered! You’re too sensitive. Why can’t you just be happy?!"

These are phrases I’ve noticed strewn across my news feeds and social media dashboards. They apply to a wide array of topics such as social movements and mental health and wellness. Lately it has appeared to become a trend to belittle others pain. We either try to ignore it or invalidate it. We leave everyone who needs a hand hanging, and we tell them that if they fall it’s their fault. We can’t really help it. We live in a individualistic society; one that focuses heavily on the morals of an individual rather than the morals of the communities or states in which the individual exists. Because of how our culture is constructed, we often place the responsibility of an individuals pain on the individual themselves, rather than question the circumstances in which the individual has been put under. We as a society seem quick to call someone sensitive rather than try to understand their pain.

Let me tell you something about being sensitive: It does not make you weak. It does not make you selfish, and it shouldn’t feel like you’re a problem. With recent events, many people have come forward calling the millennial generation “narcissistic” for having feelings. When the hunger strike at Mizzou happened and students were literally having their lives threatened, they asked for a safe space. The nation cried out in controversy, “Why would you ever ask for such a thing? The world is full of bullies! Are you just going to let them win by being a victim?!” Let’s clear one thing up: victimhood is imposed on somebody by someone else, and is not created by the victim themselves. But this isn’t about creating safe spaces or victim blaming or bullies. This is about something much larger -- much more encompassing than that. This is about other people, sometimes complete strangers, feeling entitled to other people’s feelings.

Let me ask this: If someone were to be running, and they tripped and broke their ankle, would you tell them to get over it? Would you call them narcissistic for asking for help? Would you walk past them as they crawl for a crutch to just be able to stand back up again? If you answered yes to any of those, then I am sorry but you are the self-centered and narcissistic a-hole here and you need to go pet a dog or something. Seriously, what is wrong with you? Now let me ask if the jogger was you. If you had broken your ankle, and you needed help getting up or getting help, how would you want people to respond to you? I think it’s fair to assume a helping hand would be appreciated. But also understand, that sometimes our reactions to a situation won’t be the same as others. Some people are more thick-skinned than others, which is completely rational and valid. What’s not OK is when you tell other people they can’t feel a certain way because it’s not the way you would respond. We all have a unique set of feelings, and they deserve to be respected. Whether you think they are valid or not, people can’t help what they feel, and trying to can become extremely unhealthy. Emotional health is in fact an issue, and it is something we as a society rarely talk about it. So just like any other taboo subject, we tend to ignore the issues that arise out of our inability to have these discussions.

Our society has gotten widely obsessed with ignoring our emotions to remain happy, and sometimes that can make us ignore other’s feelings even more. Our society is obsessed with perpetual and eternal happiness and contentment, and that’s never going to happen. Happiness is an emotion just like anger and sadness. Happiness really can’t exist without sadness. Sure, being happy is more comfortable, but we can’t feel it all the time. Emotions just don’t work that way. So what happens when you find yourself feeling upset? Normally, professional advice says you should talk to someone about it. But I have found that many people don’t wish to talk about their negative feelings because it may make others upset as well. While this is a tender sentiment to have, it’s not healthy. We have friends and family and loved ones to help us when we are down. If they don’t know, then how can they help? Then again, if they don’t want to know, how are we supposed to tell them? First off, if you have friends who make you feel like your pain or anger or sadness (even your happiness) isn’t important or something to pay attention to and care for, do yourself a favor and go find better friends. With that being said, don’t rely solely on your loved ones to care for you. You should be able to take care of yourself, but everyone needs help from time to time and you shouldn’t feel afraid to ask for it (or be asked for it).

Emotional abuse isn’t something many people think of when their feelings are beginning to get mistreated, and we rarely notice it’s abuse until we’ve been around it for too long. Every single person is not going to understand you and your feelings, but it is very worth it to find the people who do. It is also important that every person try to understand feelings that are presented to them. You don’t have to think they are rational, but you shouldn’t respond as if someone else’s feelings are ludicrous. You shouldn’t respond in a defensive manor. People’s feelings are their own and if you start trying to invalidate them with statements like, “I don’t think it’s right for you to feel that way,” or, “I find it ridiculous that you feel that way,” or anything else along those lines, then you’ve declared that you don’t care about the other person’s feelings. You don’t get to choose when other people are hurt or upset, but you can choose how you respond to it. When you cause someone to feel as if their feelings are invalid because you feel/think that they are, then you are claiming entitlement to their emotions. You cannot police someone else’s feelings and you should never try to. That’s why we have sympathy and compassion. That’s why we have friends to find solace in their tenderness when we are down and in need of a hand. We all want to receive love. We should all be as willing to give it.

I have always been an extremely sensitive person, and I probably always will be. I’m not a fan of ignoring my feelings or problems, and that’s more of a personal preference than anything. But, being sensitive does not make me weak or small or a problem. It makes me human. As it does you. Feelings are a beautiful and mysterious aspect of being alive, and it doesn’t make sense to limit your experiences of the one life you have. Don’t silence the feelings around you—within yourself or others—because it’s all apart of being human. Be curious towards the pain of others. Try to understand what causes other people to hurt and get worked up and cry. Because that can say a lot about people and how they respond to the world around them. We all grew up different from each other. We all have different responses to the things that happen. All of those unique and individual lives come together to form a much greater and much more beautiful whole. Our feelings are part of ourselves. They are vital to the masterpiece that is our character. Censoring them dilutes that raw magic of emotion and being human. Don’t belittle other people for having a different emotional response. Don’t let other people make you feel like a monster for having feelings. You and your feelings are valid just as much as everyone else’s are. It’s worth it to hear about them. It’s worth it to share them. Your feelings are more important than the opinions people have of them. Find people who know that. Be someone who knows that. We all need a little more love in this world. Let’s have it start with us.