When the force awakened after a decade of silence, old-time fans sat next to curious new-timers in their theater seats. I haven’t seen the movie because I feel it’s unfair to the established fandom. I haven’t earned it. The movie however was made to bring in a crowd that didn’t need too much background information. One day I might get around to watching all the films… in whatever crazy order you people insist is the best way. For now I asked my roommates, who love "Star Wars," to show me some of the character’s pictures. Enjoy my uninformed opinions.
1. Luke Skywalker
Main character. I heard he complains... like a lot.
2. Princess Leia
She gives me a defiant "Buffy the Vampire" vibe. She and Luke had a thing, but then the writers decided they'd be siblings. Why didn't this become an actual hairstyle? Can she hear as well, though?
3. Han Solo
The Flynn Rider of the galaxy. Or possibly the Indiana Jones. He's probably the best lone cowboy character.
4. Chewbacca
L'Oreal! Because you're worth it. Basically a Teddy Bear. He makes that iconic throaty roar thing.
5. Wicket
Did I say Chewy was a teddy bear? This is actually a teddy bear. An old man teddy bear to lead you safely on your journey.
6. Jar Jar Binks
Reminds me of something from "The NeverEnding Story." Should have more fingers. Please keep that tongue away from me. Has snail eyes, so he's basically Gary in SpongeBob's dream episode.
7. Jabba the Hut
Can he actually move with that body? I'm a little concerned for him. Does he secrete slug goo to get momentum? Does he have bones? Something about the shape of his head, and the size of his mouth is very off-putting.
8. Darth Maul (Not Dark Mall)
One of my roommate's favorites. How did his face markings get so symmetrical? He's basically the butterfly of this universe.
9. Greedo
Name rhymes with many brands of chips. Strangely cute. Like how geckos are sometimes cute. I'm assuming petting his head is like petting a koosh ball. I wish his eyes weren't 100 percent pupils though.
10. Queen Amidala (I'm a dolla)
She's totally the Red Queen. A regal badass. Not sure if that collar thing is her hair, body, or dress at this point, based on all the weird compositions I've seen so far.
11. Padme
I've been informed she's also the Amidala. He sweater is secretly a robot.
12. Captain Phasma
A tin foil wrapped Storm Trooper. The upgraded version because he's donated a lot of money to the arts.
13. BB-8
Aww! He's a robot soccer ball. Super satisfying to look at. Modern art basically. R2D2's cousin or something. My favorite so far.
14. Rey
I've heard she has a similar story as Luke Skywalker, but she's just basically better at everything. The force was strong within her. Some were butthurt she was a girl and the star in the last film.
15. Darth Vader
I mean. I probably know everything about him that I need to. Luke's father. The main villain for a while. Neat cape. Breaths audibly like a scuba diver.
16. Annikin (Anakin) Skywalker
He's really mad about something. Whoa, is he doing that thing they reference in "22 Jump Street?" Is he choking someone with his mind? Rude! His last name is also Skywalker, so Luke's brother?
17. Poe Dameron
Flamboyant? In a badass way? Should be on a calendar. He's super proud of his plane.
18. Finn
He looks like he's dying of heat exhaustion and hearing terrible news. He probably just found out how long he has to stay in that desert.
19. C3-PO
A complainer. But with a butler-like politeness. Should have been used as the Oscar if Star Wars has ever won any.
20. R2-D2
C3-PO's best friend. I'm wonder how expressive he can be with just those headspins and beep boops. Also aesthetically pleasing.
21. Kylo Ren
I saw the SNL skit where he's an undercover boss, so I cannot take him seriously. Has dark side power, but also really whiny about it? Neat robotic mask though.
22. Bobba Fet (Boba Fett)
If a knight married a Storm Trooper. Why all these helmets? Can the actors see what they're doing?
23. Emperor Palpatine
Basically the face of death. Seriously. Some toothpaste and light eyeshadow could do you wonders, my friend.
24. Mace Windoo (Windu)
A purple light saber? What sorcery is this! What team does that mean he's on?
25. Kit Fisto
Ahh! Reminds of pretty cool dreadlocks. I wish these people had less freaky eyes. It is not selling this franchise as much for me.
