How Stand-Up Comedy Helps Relieve Stress

Stand-Up Comedy Can Make The Most Stressful Days Way Easier

If you're stressed to the max, I highly recommend giving stand-up comedy specials a try!

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Have you ever been laying in bed after a long and stressful day, scrolling through Netflix, trying to find something to watch? You can't make a decision on something, so you decide to try something new. Now, this could be a big mistake or you could find something amazing. This happened to me a few weeks ago and somehow I ended up in the stand-up comedy section. I have seen a couple of clips of Gabriel Iglesias, or "Fluffy," on YouTube in the past, but I've never watched a stand-up comedy special on Netflix before. It never was appealing to me and I don't know many people that watch stand-up.

After deciding to watch Gabriel Iglesias' new Netflix special, I was intrigued. Then, my friend told me that I had to watch Bert Kreischer's new Netflix special. He promised that I would find it funny and that he was really good. He added that Bert does all of his performances shirtless and it makes it that much funnier. So, I watched it and I've been hooked to stand-up ever since. Now, I've become a fan of the many classic stand-up comedians that many people know and love like Kevin Hart, Ellen Degeneres, and Iliza Shlesinger as well. It quickly became something I couldn't get enough of, especially after a stressful day. I figured out that even after the most trying day and even when I was extremely stressed or drowning in homework, I forgot about all of that. I got an hour to myself to just take a breath, have a good laugh, and forget about all of my problems.

A lot of times, I use the hour to eat some food while I watch the special or just lay in bed for a little while and enjoy forgetting about all of the things I could be doing. I've also learned some things. Like the fact that Ellen got her start by doing stand-up, or that Fluffy is coming to Columbus this summer to do a show. I also learned that even though these people are celebrities and have thousands of followers and fans, they're very relatable and more like me than I realized. We sometimes forget that they are people too.

I highly recommend taking an hour out of your day to see if stand-up comedy could be a stress reliever for you. This is definitely a topic that many people don't think of when it comes to relieving stress or getting into a better mood. I'm glad I stumbled across this new found stress reliever to be able to try something different and new and to enjoy a good laugh while doing so. If you're down in the dumps or having a hard day, try watching stand-up. I promise it'll make your day better.

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50 Humorous And Insightful Lieutenant Joe Kenda Quotes All #IDAddicts Need In Their Lives

You may ask why I am in love with a 71-year-old retired Colorado Springs homicide detective, but these quotes explain it all.

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A lot of people who like to watch the mystery and thrill of cop/detective shows resort to the well-known programs like "CSI" and "NCIS." Instead of following the mainstream murder mysteries, I have been an Investigation Discovery addict for years now. Among my favorite shows is "Homicide Hunter" featuring Lieutenant Joe Kenda.

Joe Kenda is a man in his 70s who worked for the Colorado Springs Police Department. Originally from near the Pittsburgh area (so he definitely gets bonus points for that), he married his high school sweetheart (some more points right there). He has impressively solved 92% of the cases that came across his desk during his career.

In the show, Kenda refused to work from a script and has, thus, expressed some of the best one-liners, zingers, and quotes that you'll hear on TV (I may or may not have just written down quotes as completely binged every episode).

You may still be wondering what is so great about a 71-year-old retired Colorado Springs homicide detective, but these 50 humorous, insightful, and high-quality quotes explain it all:

1. “Crime scenes tell you what happened. It doesn’t tell you who made it happen.”

2. “You have a sad formula: Take a gun, add a sad, egotistical attitude, mix it all thoroughly with alcohol, put this on a low simmer, and you wind up with one dead tattoo artist.”

3. “I don’t trust anybody. I don’t trust my mother… and she’s been dead eleven years.”

4. “Oh, please. So, your tragically dead ex-wife is in fact responsible for the drugs. You forgot to say the elephant stepped on your homework. You forgot that part.”

5. “The movies and television cannot and do not portray violent death. They all think they do and viewers all think that that is what it looks like… and it ain’t."

6. “Addiction took his mind and took his soul and drove all of his behavior. He couldn’t stop. So, what’s the answer? Don’t start. Don’t start. And you’ll never be faced with the question ‘how do I stop?’”

7. “As to why it [the gun of a victim] hasn’t been fired, I don’t have any idea. You have a reasonable assumption to believe that our man here got himself into a gun fight that he’s obviously the loser. He never got a round off, so he’s not very good at gun fights. Who knows?”

8. “Dark secrets are extremely destructive.”

9. “If I didn’t have to eat, I wouldn’t. It just doesn’t mean anything to me. Whatever it is, order me a number one. There’s always a number one. So whatever shows up is what I would eat.”

10. “Fine. Good-bye. Go to prison. Have a nice life.”

11. “Does it make any sense? No. But murder never does.”

12. “It’s 2:05 in the morning and I run out of cigarettes. And at that time, when I smoked, I no longer do, but when I smoked then, that was not acceptable, so I stopped at the neighborhood convenience store to buy a pack of cigarettes.”

13. “They say love is a many splendored thing. It is, but it can include hate. Things of relationships can turn into nightmare scenarios very quickly.”

14. "[My son] is seven years old, and he’s looking at me like I’m a Nazi war criminal.”

15. “Not only are you the worst liar I’ve ever seen… you also have the I.Q. of a turnip.”

16. “Oh, sure you’re street smart. Sesame Street smart."

17. “My wife on occasion will get very annoyed with me and my cars since I love cars. My response was always the same: It could be women and whiskey, but it’s cars.”

18. “People are capable of anything. People don’t carry a sign that says ‘look at me, I had this dream about butchering your family’ so there is no kind of person. It is a person. A human. The most dangerous animal on this planet.”

19. “Casings eject from semi-automatic pistols, but they don’t fly a city block.”

20. “A shooting like this… in the dark at 80 yards, if you were Annie Oakley, you couldn’t make that shot directly. We have 19 bullets that go down this street at 1200 feet per second, like a nest of angry bees.”

21. “It is a five-shot capacity and you find four expended 38 caliber casings. One shot fired in this apartment, we have a dead guy in the street who has three other ones. Three plus one equals four. There is no way that this is not involved in my murder.”

22. “Everybody is wound up like a $2 watch to see what’s happening.”

23. “Crazy boyfriend did you say? Oh, I like crazy boyfriends.”

24. “I always assess people’s body language. They slump their shoulders. They look at the floor. They have the distinct look of a guilty person.”

25. “I signed up to pull guns on people and kick doors down, and that’s what I do.”

26. “I want you to remember something. Maybe you should even write this down: I don’t forgive, and I don’t forget.”

27. “It causes the human blood trace to fluoresce in ultraviolet light, so it literally glows yellow. I’m expecting this room to light up enough for me to read a newspaper in it.”

28. “How powerful can jealousy be? More powerful than a thermonuclear explosion.”

29. “You’re looking for sympathy? Look it up in the dictionary. It’s between shit and syphilis.”

30. “It adds up to one word: suspect. And that, my man, would be you.”

31. “Something I learned a long time ago: Don’t ever judge people based on their appearance or their physical size. Humans are all capable of enormous levels of violence given the proper motivation.”

32. “And now Earl is pedaling as fast as he can on his lie bike.”

33. “He thinks by calling himself Playboy he can attract girls. Well alright then. How’s that working out for you?”

34. “When I leave here, I’m gonna have somebody’s ass in my briefcase. And maybe it’s gonna be yours.”

35. “Being an asshole is not against the law. If I were, we’d have to erect a fence around the state of Colorado and inform everyone they are in custody.”

36. “Never mind the bullet with your name on it. Beware of the bullet that says, 'to whom it may concern.’”

37. “If you’re going to be a liar, you should at least have the decency to be good at it.”

38. “You lying little bastard. You didn’t tell me the truth for a second. Well, let me tell you something, Kelvin. We are going to have another conversation… and you are not going to like the next one.”

38. “If I find out that you tried to lie to a police officer, try to bribe one again, I’m going to hold a press conference and let this whole town know what a lying, cheating douchebag you are.”

40. “There are people in this world who will go to any length to solve a personal problem. Trust your fellow man? I don’t. I wouldn’t recommend that you do either.”

41. ““Anna opens the door in this low-cut jumpsuit affair and, obviously, is a woman who is very taken by her own appearance.”

42. “He was a typical 23-year-old. Everything he has worn in the last three years is laying on the floor.”

43. “Guilty people love to talk. Who am I to stop them?”

44. “You gotta be the dumbest guy on the planet. Maybe on three or four planets.”

45. “In murder cases, it’s not about speed. Speed doesn’t help. A murder case is a spinning top on a table. It’s perfectly balanced, and it’s spinning beautifully. Put pressure on the wrong place, it goes off the table, and you never get it back.”

46. “What makes humans so dangerous are their emotions. It allows them to kill for what anyone would believe is no reason. Once you kill once, after that, it’s just numbers.”

47. “Prison is gladiator school. You learn how to sharpen your skills as a bad guy.”

48. “Being stupid is not against the law. Believing your wife is also not a criminal act, even when her story is not believable.”

49. “When a kid says ‘I’m going to kill you,’ it would be in your best interest to believe them.”

50. “The only thing that Craig is sure of is that he’s reasonably certain this is North America.”

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16 Struggles That Give All Retail Workers Nightmares, Even After They've Worked Their Last Shift

Let's just hope my boss doesn't see this.

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If you haven't worked in retail, count your blessings. This summer will mark my third official retail job, and let's just say I am less than excited to return to the dreaded retail employee lifestyle. There are so many cons that we have to put up with on the daily, is it even worth the minimum wage salary?

1. Waking up every weekday morning before your shift and contemplating whether the money is worth it

"Is dragging myself out of bed worth my cheque of $500 before taxes?"

2. And if you're lucky enough, being blessed with the task of opening

Two words: kill me.

3. Having to fake a smile for the entirety of your shift.

And if that isn't bad enough, having your amazing customers remind you to "smile" while you're internally just trying not to lose your shit.

4. Being stuck with the lazy coworkers on your shift

I don't have time to do my job and also teach you how to do yours. Next.

5. And the worst one of all, dealing with the most absurd questions from your customers

No, I won't give you something for free because you have been shopping here for years. I can give you a store credit card, though.

6. Even worse? Having to listen to the weirdest stories from your customers

I once had a customer narrate her entire infidelity and divorce story to me, and I awkwardly had to sympathize while just trying to print her papers. At one point she reached over the register and tried hugging me. Not a fun time.

7. Being yelled at during rush times when you're trying your best

Yes, lady, I understand the line is long. But you're going to have to wait on it just like everyone else. I'm not going to roll out a special expedited red carpet for you.

8. Explaining something to a customer and receiving the "Can I talk to your manager?" bit every time

Everything I am telling you was taught to me by my, surprise, manager! But I guess the arguing is worth it when we laugh about the whole thing in the break room later.

9. Constantly having to clean up mysterious messes

Maybe it's because my parents raised me better, but whenever I go shopping I try to refrain from making a mess. Customers I have encountered, however, seem to enjoy messing up everything they come in contact with.

10.  I'm sorry that your coupon is expired

I really am. But I guarantee you, no matter how many times I scan your coupon, it will not work.

11.  Customers assuming that you know every damn thing

I once had a customer ask me if I knew who the CEO of my employer was, and when I said no, he told me I needed to do "my research." Yes, thank you, I'll be researching all right — on how to get the heck out of this place.

12.  Not being informed of how much math goes into the job

All the math I have learned, all the way up to Calculus 2, magically disappears from my mind when I'm at the register and need it more than I have ever needed it in my life. Suddenly I don't know how many nickels go in to a dollar.

13.  When customers try getting in despite the very large "CLOSED" sign and locked doors

I promise you, no matter how many times you yank at the door and yell at me to open it, I'm not. It's kind of entertaining watching you go at it, though.

P.S. We are required to log off all cash registers immediately after the set closing time, so there is no point of even trying to get in. You can't buy anything.

14.  Having to stay over your designated shift

Once I was forced to do a 12-hour shift without being informed of prior because one of my coworkers decided to call out "sick." She also ended up getting fired the following week, but I'mma sip my tea.

15.  Talking crap about your workplace with your favorite coworkers

You'll be surprised as to how quickly people can bond over annoying customers and shitty bathrooms. Having great coworkers honestly makes working a billion times more tolerable.

16.  The time we dream about all day and look forward to impatiently: when your shift is finally over

Once I clock out and my uniform is off, I am also mentally clocked the fuck out. Whatever chaos is happening is not my problem. Good luck to those clocking in, though.

If you work in retail, kudos to you, because honestly we're really forced to deal with the worst shit on a daily basis, there is no escape. And if you haven't worked in retail, perhaps this helps you gain insight on our nightmarish lives — so if you're mean to your cashiers, cut it out.

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