5 Stages of Being Hangry

I have to say, being hangry is a serious condition; luckily there is a cure. Unfortunately for me, (and my loved ones), I am hangry at almost all hours of the day. I don’t know about you, but this is basically what happens to me every time I have to wait to eat.

Stage 1: Physical Pain and Denial

I feel weak. My head starts to pound. My stomach aches and my hands begin to shake. I walk to the kitchen and stuff my face with the first snack I see. It’s not enough; I sit down feeling defeated. I’m growing weaker and I panic as I realize I will soon be too frail to get off the couch. The realization sets in, this is it, I am going to die right here, right now. My friends pretend not to notice me while they are happily chatting with each other and getting ready to leave. I remain silent and watch them with a hazy, almost hateful glare. One of them asks me if I am okay. “I’M FINE” I shout back. She rolls her eyes at me, and that just adds fuel to the fire. “Can’t you hurry up?” I yell. They ignore me and my condition slowly worsens. “You guys are so annoying, let’s leave already!” I say with an attitude. I start shaking my car keys vigorously, a silent way to tell them that I am leaving; with or without them. They again refuse to acknowledge me, and my blood begins to boil.

Stage 2: Recognition

I am suddenly so angry that I become nauseous. All the heat rises to my face and I realize that angry is not the right emotion to explain this horrid sensation. There is only one word to describe how I am feeling. That word is HANGRY.

Stage 3: The Irrational Emotional Roller Coaster

My friends continue to laugh as we walk out the door and get in the car. They might not know it but I’m giving them the silent treatment. I am furious. How dare they take 10 whole minutes to change their clothes and take off their makeup after a long day of classes? My friends are so inconsiderate. They know I have been waiting for dinner since I ate that stupid salad at lunch, and I am just shocked that they had the audacity to make me wait any longer. My feelings are so hurt I could cry. Honestly, at this point, calling these people my “friends” is pushing it.

Stage 4: Road Rage

I’m so overwhelmed with emotion and hunger that I speed away from the curb and down the street. Then, we’re at a dead stop. Just my luck, a red light. This is just unbelievable! Why do bad things happen to good people? The light turns green and I immediately slam my hand down on the horn. Everyone needs to move faster! Just as I begin to think I’m not going to make it, the cars in front of me start to move and we slowly approach the restaurant.

Stage 5: The Race to Satisfaction

It’s there, in the distance. It is so close I can smell the goodness and my mouth begins to water. I need ALL of the food. I park the car and fling open the door. I run through the parking lot, swerving between cars. I sprint through the doors as if it is the finish line of a marathon. Out of breath, I throw my hands up and shout, “WHERE IS THE PIZZA?”