Summer is the perfect time for so many things: the beach, picnics, BBQs, and you guessed it: amusement parks. Amusement parks are one of the greatest summer pastimes: closed for most of the year, nothing could be better than when that warm weather hits and those gates finally open. You set aside a whole day, plan out exactly what rides you need to go on and in what order. You dream about the amusement park food that you can’t get anywhere else. You look forward to an amazing day in the park because what could be wrong with funnel cake, ice cream, and a bunch of rides that spin you until you can’t see straight?
1. You Get There
You’re at the peak of excitement thinking about the day ahead. You haven’t been to an amusement park in months and can’t wait to get in. You wait in the slow line to give your ticket and then you’re finally in. You get a whiff of that amusement park smell (which is really just a combination of sweat, hot dogs, and murky ride water) and your excitement builds. You get in line for your first ride so happy you don’t even care that the person standing next to you isn’t wearing a shirt. And after that first ride, there’s no turning back: you’re in it now.
2. Midday Refuel
It’s now the middle of the day. You’ve been running around for the last three hours trying to go on as many rides as you can before having to stop to refuel. You’re starting to feel tired and your feet are definitely starting to ache, but you push those nasty thoughts from your head because there’s still so much you have to do and see. You decide your best course of action is to get a snack and take a little break. As you wait in line for your delicious seven dollar liquid nitrogen ice cream (because for some reason that’s a thing) you spot them: the games.
You must have missed them when you came in because you were too busy looking for the rides, but now they’re here and they look like so much fun. So as soon as you get your ice cream, you run over to the first game you see, hand a sulky teenager all the money in your pockets and begin to play furiously. You believe that you are the exception to the rule, you alone can beat this game. And when you walk away fifteen minutes later, $50 lighter but one giant plush turtle heavier, you couldn’t be happier. Now all you have to do is drag it around the park for the rest of the day.
3. The 5 p.m. Slump
You’re definitely tired now and your feet feel like they’re about to fall off. You try to stave off the crankiness with cotton candy, but the effect is minimal. You find yourself looking around and thinking, “Where did all of these people come from? And why are none of them wearing clothes! This is an amusement park, not your backyard!” You know that you should really leave now, that you will only grow more irritable and grumpy the longer you stay. But you can’t do it. There are still a handful of rides that you haven’t been on yet and even though looking at another line makes you physically ill, that admission price keeps you going. You will get a full day out of that ticket no matter what it takes.
4. The Breakdown
That’s it! You’ve had it! Screw you amusement park and your overpriced popcorn and souvenir soda cups! You can’t stand to look at another person or another ride. And that music that’s been playing on a loop since you got there, that light hearted fun music that’s supposed to tell you that you’re having a great time, well it’s not working -- all it’s doing is increasing your urge to kill. And after you’ve finally swerved, weaved, and shoved your way out of that park, you now have to find your car in the miles-long parking lot. And you obviously didn’t write it down because you thought, so haughtily, that you’re smart, you’ll remember.
When you finally get into the oven that is your car, you just start to drive. You have no cares for the laws of the road -- you’ve been at an amusement park all day. When you get home, you can’t even make it to your bed. You just fall on the floor exhausted and you sleep. You sleep the sleep of the gods. And when you finally wake up, you won’t remember the hell you’ve been through, only the amazing day you had and you immediately start planning your next trip.
