It’s about to be spring break, and your parents are on your back about plans. They are constantly asking you who is driving, what you’re packing, and how much money you’re planning on spending.  The reason they worry, however, is because they remember what this week is like—believe it or not.They know all about the shenanigans that will take place, the bad decisions that will be made, and all the shots that will be taken. In fact, our parents practically invented the idea of Spring Break. Since they are so aware of the wild times we will be having on our trips, they make an effort to keep track of us with casual conversation throughout our journey to make sure that we are still alive and well without sounding like concerned parents.Although the questions that they ask are not too invasive, they typically possess an underlying message. Likewise, the college students’ responses will always sound nonchalant, and at times even responsible, despite the real answers to their parent’s questions. In this article, I have broken down these messages, decoding them according to what both parties say, and what they actually mean.
 It all begins right before you embark on your journey, and your parents nag you about your plans, questioning your ability to travel independently. They map out your budget and try to give you instructions on what highways to take or what cities to stop in. But because you are an adult, you don't need your mommy’s help, so you tell her it’s fine. As if her thirty odd years of traveling alone has given her more knowledge than my smartphone and Garmin GPS can provide.
“When are you guys headed out?”So I can time out exactly what time you should arrive. 
“About 6 a.m. We want to get there before 5 o’clock traffic.About 11 p.m. We want to get there in time to drink before the sun rises.
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 “Are you guys making any stops on the way?”What area code should I look for in case I get a phone call from jail?
“Yeah, well, we were thinking it would be safer to stop half way at John’s house. His mom is going to cook us dinner, and we are going to rest up for the big week!”We got a room at the Super 8 in New Orleans, and I am going to spend half of my budget on hand grenades before we even get to Florida.
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 “How was the trip? Did you hit any traffic?”Bet you regret not using those directions I emailed you…
“Great! Thanks for the directions! The roads were clear. We got in about 2 hours ago.”I used your directions as a napkin 30 minutes into the drive. We’ve only been lost 4 times. Siri may be a bigger idiot than I am.
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Once you arrive at your destination, your parents will be constantly worried about your health and safety, but they avoid asking you too many questions that reveal these concerns. Instead, they play it cool, encoding their distress in casual questions about your fun-in-the-sun experience.
“So, how’s the weather?”How drunk are you right now?
“It’s been pretty good, but it’s kind of cloudy today.”Things are starting slow today. One mixed drink for breakfast and two turns with the three-story beer bong.
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“Have y’all done anything besides party on the beach all day?”This is meant to be sarcastic, but seriously, have you?
“Yeah, we have been relaxing a lot. We have been playing some card games, and I even read a little bit today.”Nope. Today I learned how to do a keg stand, and I woke up with green marker smeared all over my face. I think it was words at one point.
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“Send me a picture of you and your friends on the beach!”I want to know that you’re not actually in Vegas sitting in a jail cell and still have all fingers and toes intact. And also because I want to post it on Facebook.
“I don't want to take my phone down to the beach because I am scared that the sand will ruin it.”I just bought a $12 go phone at Wal-Mart because I dropped my iPhone in the ocean. It doesn't have a camera.
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Towards the end of your trip, your parents start to feel guilty that they underestimated your capabilities.
“Have you been eating some good seafood? I can put some extra money in your account for a nice dinner.”I want to reward you for keeping yourself alive for the last four days. And you’ve probably turned orange from all of the easy mac that you have eaten in the last 65 hours.
“Yeah, we actually have. The fish are really fresh down here. But thanks, Dad! That would be great!”I got paid $50 yesterday for eating a dead fish that washed up to shore, but you can never have enough beer money. Besides, I still have plenty of easy mac left.