Living in a heavily wooded area, I am no stranger to creepy crawlers around the house. I have been lucky enough to have brothers to do the dirty work when it comes to dealing with these foul beasts, but now that I live on my own, I have to face the music because I am a strong, independent woman, and I don’t need no man to kill bugs for me. As long as I have a shoe, I know with the utmost confidence that I can defeat any eight-legged creature that comes my way.
That is, I thought so until I met The Scricket (a.k.a. The Camel Cricket).
For those who don’t know, this is an ungodly combination of a cricket and a spider. Not only do they terrify you with their creepy legs and antennae, but they can climb walls like spiders AND jump like crickets. When I first saw one, which I endearingly refer to as "the day I met Satan," I thought it was a one-time thing—that I would never have to encounter another one again. But then, I did. Let us just take a moment to acknowledge that a spider and a cricket can find love, but the only place I find love is in the freezer section of Wal-Mart.
Here are all the reasons why spiders are basically Satan:
They come out of thin air.
One moment, you are casually watching television and the next there is a rampant attack of some eight-legged creature. There is no sanctuary.
They come in varying sizes.
Why can’t there be a “one size fits all” spider? Instead we have creatures that range from annoying to burn-the-house-down terrifying. The aforementioned Scricket is a perfect example of wanting to burn the house down.
They have multiple appendages.
Why so many legs? They are so spindly and quick. They could at least give us a chance to catch and kill them. It’s really not fair, considering all the obstacles they give us by hiding behind couches and bookshelves.
They will never die.
It never takes one hit to finish them. You attack, they move, and the next thing you know, you are chasing them through the whole house. By the time they are finally dead, you feel as though it has crawled all over you and your happiness.
The attack never ends.
Once you have completely defeated it, you know the peace will not last long. It’s like one of those super-hero movies—the villain always returns in some way. You don’t know when, and you don’t know where, but there will be another attack.
This all begs the question: why do such creatures even walk this Earth? And don’t say it’s because they eat other bugs, because that excuse no longer works for me. I’d rather deal with every other insect, as long as it does not meet any of the qualifications listed above.
Spiders are evil, and I refuse to live in a world where such things exist.
