I absolutely love nothing on Facebook more than logging on and seeing my friends having the time of their life. Especially this past week — spring break. People went everywhere! Puerto Rico, the Dominican Republic, Mexico, Miami, you name it! There was certainly not a lack of sunny pictures, cold drinks, and relaxed smiles all over my social media, and I couldn't stop looking at it. I even caught myself, mid-scroll, encouraging my friends with their adventures saying 'You go, Glen Coco' to myself. But here's what I did instead: nothing (that's a lie, I actually did things).
I am not bitter, nor jealous, at the fact that I went home and did a heaping pile of nothing. I worked for half of my break, then left the second I could to go home. I picked a few good books, packed my comfiest clothes (plus a cute outfit for going to the winery), and turned off everything. For the latter half of my break, I turned off my computer, muted all e-mails from my school, and sat around reading for most of the time. That's exactly what I needed though, a break.
My first night home was great. Driving there, that day had to be one of the most intense feelings of tired that I have ever felt in my life. I was groggy, cranky, and didn't even take my bags upstairs but rather slumped on the couch and read and slept until my parents came home from work that day (roughly 5 hours). My family then went out to dinner with a couple friends. We had great food, many laughs, and of course margaritas! It was then that I realized the sugar on the rim of my glass would still taste just as sweet by the ocean.
The second day, Friday, was almost identical to Thursday. I woke up, went to my grandparents house, whom I haven't seen in a long time, and then got lunch with an old friend - whom I also haven't seen in a long time. It was relaxing. I missed driving and taking the long way 'just because' and not being in a rush to go and do and go and do. I watched my grandmother administer medicine to my grandfather, and I talked to my friend about how life had been in the time we've been away. It was today that I learned what joy it is to not have to keep missing someone.
Saturday, the only day that I had specific plans for, was the day that my boyfriend, my friend, and her boyfriend all headed down to the winery that we had been talking about going to since January. We had so much fun - wine tasting, beer tasting, finger foods, sunshine, and smiles. I learned a couple things at the winery: laughing until it hurts is the best pain you can feel, and 'sharing' wine is a term to be used loosely. We then continued our night at a pizza place complete with dancing (yes, we forced the guys to dance).
The drive home that night was one of those back-road-let's-just-talk kind of drives. Brett, my boyfriend, and I were riding back (thanks for DD'ing) to my house, and I couldn't help but start a deep conversation. One of those conversations about life that it somehow feel so much better on a long night drive. I have struggled for years (more so in the recent years) with depression, and I've struggled practically my whole life with anxiety. I've never been one to open up about my struggles or what I'm going through, but I really am glad that I have found him. I learned this on the car ride home. I also learned that sometimes, to be loved the way that you want to be loved, you have to open yourself and be a little bit raw; to be loved, you have to be willing to let someone fill the spaces that you struggle to fill, and you have to admit to yourself that this can be a team effort ('we're a team, Brett').
I learned that love isn't something that you 'just feel'. It's an active part of everyday life; a piece of me. It's the hard times and the bad times, and it's talking in the middle of the long drive home about your struggles - because you want nothing more than for that person to be there for you through it, and you have no doubts that they want to be that person for you, too. It's like, the best sip of Riesling that you'll ever have or the best bite of pizza. It's like this big thing that you have finally found, and you don't want it any other way, even if some days aren't as good as other days.
(He was really proud to have these socks on)
My last day home, that Sunday, we had all of my family together. My mom cooked, which was delicious, as per usual, and everyone was happy. You see, we all kind of have our own struggles that we face. We all fall off the track sometimes, but I learned on Sunday that family, and the people you love being around you, can get you on that track, and they can fill those spaces quicker than anything else can. And I am glad that I got a chance to come home and feel whole again. That is something that a trip to the beach could never have given me. Happy spring break!