Everyone said I had to rush. I knew so many
girls that loved it and I have always been an
advocate of trying new things.
My biggest mentor was in a sorority and I
wanted to be in one too. If I could go back I
wouldn't. I'm glad I went through recruitment,
but I am not a sorority girl. I'm just not and
there's nothing anyone can say or do to
change that.
I love their values. I love the girls. I love what the
sorority stands for. I'll keep the secrets I learned
in our rituals close to my heart, and I will always
live by the creed. I met some of the girls who will
stand beside me on my wedding day and that is
owed to the sorority I was a part of.
But I'm not a sorority girl. I'm just not.
On the last day of recruitment you get to open
your bid. That moment defines you. That bid
defines you. It gives you a label. I remember
wondering what I would do if I didn't get the
sorority I had hoped for. My heart racing and
hands shaky, I opened my bid. I felt like I could
breath again and I was so glad to see the
letters I did, but when I looked around what I
saw was all the girls that opened their bid with
tears rolling down their face. I saw they felt
worthless. They were full of what I think is the
worst emotion of all-shame. Their confidence
drifted from their body as other girls jumped
with joy and got all dressed up to go to their
bid day party. I couldn't be excited. I was heart
broken for the girls I had never met, because I
knew they felt a way nobody deserves to feel.
I wish I could have given my bid to someone
else to lift their spirits back up.
Seeing that broke my heart.
Some of the most genuine people I've met,
I met through the sorority I was a part of.
They are smart, kind, and positive. They
are leaders.
I am proud to say that most of the time if I
pass someone in the letters I once wore they
wave and say hello. They talk to me when
they see me and they are just as kind to me
as they were when I wore my letters.
My best friend is caring, fun-loving, strong,
and so incredibly smart. She is a leader and
she makes everyone feel so important. She
plays the role in her sorority so incredibly well.
She is such an asset to their chapter and lives
by their values. I love her and she loves me,
but she knows that I'm not a sorority girl,
I'm just not.
I couldn't do it. It played a toll on me. I found
myself struggling to be myself. It broke me
down. What it comes down to is that I wasn't
thriving. I wasn't myself. I felt shallow, not
because the other girls were, but because
I felt like in a room full of 200 girls who all had
a resume as perfect as mine, there wasn't
enough room for me to be me.
I felt small.
I felt generic.
I felt confined.
I felt like I was paying for a label
that didn't fit me.
It wasn't my home. My home is
not in a sorority and that's not the
sorority's fault, that's just who I am.
I know that so many girls that are involved in
sororities are stellar and it's important for
anyone reading this to know that nobody
treated me any less than wonderful, I just did
not prosper in that environment and that's okay.
And it's okay if you don't either.
