When my beloved grandfather, Rodger Dotson, who I always referred to as Pa-D (Grandpa Dotson), it wasn’t the nightmare that I subconsciously predicted it would be when I was young. I recall a couple of occasions when I was afraid that something happened to Pa-D or Nonna, my grandma that he was married to who I was also close to. A couple of times, Pa-D needed surgery or operations done. Once or twice something would come up that suggested a potentially serious health problem. And, of course, I remember a night when we couldn’t get ahold of either of them on the phone when they were supposed to be home hours before. That night, in particular, I began to dread the nightmare of losing Pa-D at that age. I wasn’t ready.

His passing wasn’t a nightmare at this age, though. It was an elusive dream. It wasn’t frightening or startling, but rather, heartbreaking, slightly confusing, and uncomfortable. I was grateful that I was able to grow up with him. The maturing adult in me reconciled that I knew his death was coming quickly. In a matter of a year, his mind quickly deteriorated to the point that he couldn’t recognize me, and he would utter sentences that didn’t make any sense in the context. About a month before his passing, he entered hospice, which practically meant he was on the way out. I knew that he would rather leave this life behind, now, than become a rambling shell of the man he used to be roaming a nursing home like a frail ghost. And, as hard as it was to admit, I was glad that he passed on so that he wouldn’t feel pain, anymore. He would stop being so confused, constantly, and he would become a precious memory. Undeniably, though, the 6-year-old still dwelling deep inside me, who Pa-D would take care of, make jokes with, embrace with a hug, and cook breakfast for, said to himself, in a childlike manner, “Pa-D died…what, now?”

This is the first of a series of articles that will serve as my personal eulogy to Pa-D. Firstly, we will begin with his innocent, natural love of music, and I will count down his favorite songs that I listened to growing up that equally bring a smile to face as well as a tear to my eye. Perhaps, I will leave out a few that I didn’t know he cherished, but this is my personal eulogy, and these are the ones I remember.

That’ll Be The Day - Buddy Holly

Growing up, Pa-D ostensibly harbored a love for classic rock. Elvis Presley, Bob Seger, George Thorogood, and, of course, Buddy Holly. Rarely, did Pa-D actually sing along to the lyrics of a song, and, sometimes, I would catch him singing this song to himself when it wasn’t playing. I suppose it was the haunting nature of the song that got to him. Buddy Holly’s death was considered to be the day that Rock N’ Roll died, and, the lyric, “That’ll be the day that I die,” surely rung with him.

Suspicious Minds - Elvis Presley

As aforementioned, Pa-D loved classic rock, and, he sincerely had a passion for Elvis Presley. Speaking of him, once, he just said “Man, he could sing! And he could dance! He was so talented, and he died.” I believe Elvis’s style was very relative to Pa-D’s personality. Pa-D had a tendency to, rather than create, emulate the world around him and put his own spin on every concept he encountered. “Suspicious Minds” was a love song that incorporated a rather complex concept, two people madly in love with each other to the point that they were suspicious of each other’s activities outside of their relationship, and, although he didn’t write the song, he definitely put his own spin on it. Pa-D loved the song, and he loved Elvis.

You’ll Accompany Me - Bob Seger

Pa-D loved his wife, Margaret, my grandma who I call Nonna, more than he wanted to admit, growing up. Neither of them was people who would back down or be subjugated, so, I suppose their ability to build on top of each other and hold on to each other loosely is what helped them stay together throughout many decades. Seger was a newer rock artist that Pa-D was fond of. Pa-D had a slight affection for heartland rock, mainly because it was very similar in style and themes to the 50’s Rock N’ Roll music he remembers growing up, and, “You’ll Accompany Me,” was a chilling love song that stands the test of time, just like Pa-D did.

Blue Moon of Kentucky - Bill Monroe

Even from a younger age, I understood how impressive Pa-D’s growth from his life as a young child, working on the farm 10 hours a day, and, then dropping out of school to work at the sawmill, only to eventually have a secure home and financial status, multiple respectable children and grandchildren, and still hold to his values. Pa-D was originally a Kentucky boy, and the slow country nights he had to appreciate during his time of rest as a young boy was definitely something to grow fond of. The memories of home, family, and an outdated lifestyle obviously rung with Pa-D.

Fox on the Run - Tom T. Hall

Tom T. Hall wasn’t the original artist to perform this song, but, it was the version that he appreciated the most, and I remember to this day the way his eyes lit up when I played the song for him online, finally finding the version that he remembered. I feel that bluegrass was a genre besides classic rock that he intensely appreciated, finding the artistic value of people singing about a world that he knew. It was something to play as we drove through the routes that he remembered from being a mailman.

Spirit in the Sky - Norman Greenbaum

One of the strangest hit songs ever conceived, Pa-D would constantly remind people that he disagreed with the lyric, “Never been a sinner. I never sinned. I’ve got a friend in Jesus.” The song was a rocking song by a Jewish man that mimicked gospel performances, but the lyrics didn’t necessarily match the tone of the song. The song had a blues-rock sound that instilled a sense of coolness in the listener. The song has been utilized constantly in television and cinema. Pa-D never really had a definitive explanation for why he loved the song. He just did. He didn’t need a reason.

And last, but certainly not least, the song that was arguably Pa-D’s all-time favorite song…

Save The Last Dance For Me - The Drifters featuring Ben E. King

“Save the Last Dance For Me” was one of the most poetic, touching, and rich songs according to Pa-D. He kept a CD of hits by Ben E. King and The Drifters in his truck, and we constantly listened to the song when driving home from school. This was the only other song that he would sing along with and sing to himself. He always told me it was one of his favorite songs. He also told me the story of the song’s writing, which was by a man whose legs were disabled in some way, and referred to him taking his wife to dance hall where she could dance and have fun, but to remember who her heart belongs to. It wasn’t until the very day he died that I was told the deeper meaning behind the song according to Pa-D. It was what he told his wife, Nonna, before heading to Korea as a soldier of the U.S. Army.

Thus concludes the songs of Pa-D. There are doubtlessly countless other songs that could be listed, but these are the songs I remember him listening to and sharing with me growing up, and I’ve loved every single on of them to this day. And, now, the songs have a richer emotion in the wake of Pa-D not being around, anymore.