Sometimes I'm invincible, other times I'm fragile, but most times I'm a mix of the two. I exist in parts and pieces, and I exist as one whole being, tied together with a string that turns my veins to fire, pushing me to make sense of who I am and what I'm doing.
Sometimes I question myself. Why am I doing this? Who am I? I don't like what I'm doing, should I stop? Is that quitting? Is quitting bad? Good? Or is quitting simply chaotic neutral?
I never really believed in chaotic good- or chaotic evil- it was always chaotic neutral. All people are neutral. There is no inherent goodness or badness in our genes, no chemical that tells our brains that we must kill or hunt or rape.
Sometimes I am both good and bad, other times I am sweet, but most of the time I'm simply in a state of stress, roaming around until I figure out the best course of action for myself.
Sometimes I play with words as I am doing right now. I can feel the clatter of the keys underneath of my fingertips and I know I am home, but I am neither in my house nor using my own computer, notebook, pen or pencil. In that regard I am a phony, a fake, an impostor, but I cannot let you know that is who I am. No, I cannot. So I fake it.
I suppose that what you just read may have sounded deep on some level, but it is quite the opposite. It is an experiment in sounding deep, being pretentious, and seeing how far I can get before you realize that I have no idea what to write about. what to say, or what subject matter to comment upon.
So suddenly I've written something very deep and yet written nothing at all, and you've fallen for it.
I bet you're starting to regret clicking on this article, but it will surely comfort you to know that this is the product of a week full of papers, midterms, and a sinus infection that seems to only serve the purpose of imitating a clamp being shoved up my nose.
Not everything you read on the internet has a purpose, I've proven that. I've striven to prove that. Everything I write is finite and in the long run, it won't matter. Write what you want. It's okay.
Sometimes I am okay.
