Lost

i took a drive yesterday

it was very long

i used a lot of gas

you would be upset with me for that

sometimes i get scared

and think about life and the universe and all that stuff

but other times

i am perfectly okay with the way things are

and i decide to come home

Holidaze

home for the holidays

what a pleasant phrase

close my eyes

i can still remember it all

red

mom's favorite ornament

from her cheerleading days

finding its home

underneath popsicle stick snowflakes

and art deco angels

dad's raggedy old sweater

growing threadbare at the sleeves

perfumed with burnt casseroles and spiced cranberries

lest we forget the evergreen and spearmint that came after

and the half price holiday cheer

green

the mistletoe

oh how stereotypical

but how charming

all at once

a couple of trips to the market later

our stockings

perched next to each other

pine needles all over the carpet

poking through my socks

as frank sinatra and andy williams

echoed throughout the living room

silver

at least we won't have to use tape this year

but at what expense

wiping the tears from her cheek

and telling him how proud we are

as they put on their best secondhand sweaters

and play jingle bells on their hand me down harmonicas

because santa just couldn't make it this year

he was just too tired

from all the late nights he spent in his workshop

on 35th and state

making candy and cocoa

for the grown ups only

gold

don't worry

i won't prick you this year

let's go downstairs

everybody's waiting for us

it smells like home

it is home

grandma got run over by a reindeer

playing ironically in the background

as the fire crackles

and booming laughter erupts

from the great big armchair

that the man with the threadbare sweaters and eggnog liqueur

would've loved just as much as he loved his own son

sugarplums! a voice exclaims as she reaches into her stocking

many more line the fireplace this year

more than even the year before

they smile when they see its wrapped in stripes

not silver

twas the night before christmas

and all through the house

a warmth is being felt

because everybody is finally stirring

all at once

all is well

all is well

Riding off into the sunset

my favorite song

plays on the radio

as my spindly fingers

clutch the steering wheel

green blue

and purple red

distant neon blurriness

flashes in the corner of my eye

the wind

lapping at my eyelids

the sun has died

for the time being

its ghost

illuminating the darkness

that stretches out before me

we are driving to the end of the world

to the land before time

and the sea after future

where the sand

crunches under my toes

and the seashells

make them bleed

so that drops of scarlet

dot the pristineness of it all

but it is nothing

when the world behind me

is flooded

the world didn't end by zombie apocalypse

or natural disaster

or war

or famine

or disease

or meteors

it ended

by humans

we had killed each other

and then ourselves

long before 2012 ever did

i know that there is no way

to hide

but i do know

that there is a way to run

the car is skidding now

and now i can hear sirens

and smell burning metal

but i still

keep my foot on the accelerator

and let myself run away