We see it everyday; magazines talking about how to lose weight, or the best clothing trends that are "Must-Haves!" and advertisements everywhere trying to sell you the newest thing in beauty trends or makeup. We have been listening to all these little things in the background, that we subconsciously start to believe we need these things. Everyone has felt the effect of this wealth producing topic. Whether feeling like a goddess because of the changing views, or feeling like you are never enough, we all have been impacted by society's beauty "Standards".
From my perspective, and in my experience, I have been on the down side of this issue. I have almost always had issues with my view of myself. I have had asthma since I was a kid, and was more of the artsy kind of kid, so I loved to stay inside and draw or be creative. This didn't really cause a whole lot of issues, unless if I was in school. I have been teased since second grade about my weight and being on the "bigger" side. I had quite a few boyfriends throughout my schooling years, but was mainly rejected from guys that were "Out of my leaugue" because of my weight. I have been seen as "just a friend" and "Just not my type" and I am almost 100 percent positive that it was because of my weight. Because of society's view on beauty, and these guys rejecting me, I have had a lot of issues, and have struggled so much with my weight. In high school I started working out and a bit of weight training with my dad's help. I used to weigh about 150 to 170 at most in high school, with a bit of muscle in the mix as well. It wasn't too bad until I started gaining weight after graduation and especially after I had a really bad breakup with an ex. I have had to get rid of most of my pants because my thighs would rub together so much and cause my pants to get holes in the thighs. After high school and the break up, I could only be able to wear leggings because I had gained so much weight, that my pants wouldn't fit, or would have holes created on the inner thighs. Even with wearing leggings, the inner seam would rub together and create more holes. Because of my weight, I have always felt inferior to my peers who were either in shape and gorgeous, or just naturally thin and pretty. I have tried many different times to lose weight, and get in shape, but I have not been exactly successful in general.
Along with my struggles with my weight, I have also had issues with my wardrobe. I feel exposed if I wear crop tops, and I feel so uncomfortable and uneasy when the thought of exposing my stomach crosses my mind. I am semi okay with my thighs, but, it is a whole different matter when it comes to my stomach. I want to wear all the cute clothes that I find in stores that I would love to wear in general, but, since I am unhappy with my body, and afraid of my stomach fat in general, I don't really try to buy things that don't cover my tummy. Yes I know that I am "Beautiful in my own way", but, I still struggle with my body, and yes I want to work out and feel amazing and fit, but, until then, I have to coax myself into attempting to workout again.
