Society Tells Me I Have To Say 'I Do,' But I Don't.
Start writing a post
Student Life

Society Tells Me I Have To Say 'I Do,' But I Don't.

I hate how badly I want to get married.

409
Society Tells Me I Have To Say 'I Do,' But I Don't.
Jermy Bishop

My whole life, I have looked forward to my wedding day.

I’ve dreamed of the ring, the way he will propose, our wedding colors, the cake, the dress I’ll wear, if he’ll cry when I walk down the aisle, a conversation my future husband and my dad will have before I walk down the aisle.

I’ve dreamed of the tears my mom will cry while putting my beautiful gown on me and the note my fiancé will write to me to read before I walk down the aisle and marry him. I’ve dreamed of the wedding party, bridesmaid dresses, the venue, the food we’ll serve, the toast my new husband will give about how much he absolutely adores me. I’ve had every aspect of my future wedding planned for God knows how long.

I mean… Doesn’t every girl?

But here’s my problem with that: I hate that I can’t stop thinking about it.

I mean, guys. I can’t stop planning it. I can’t stop dreaming about it. It’s ALWAYS in the back of my mind. I even have a Pinterest board titled “my future wedding” even though I don’t have a ring on my finger. Hell, I had that board before I even had a boyfriend.

I hate how society made me, and every other girl, be this way. I hate that society has taught girls to dream of their wedding. Society throws wedding ideas and gorgeous dresses and everything alike all over our timelines, to the point where you see posts that say “Somebody marry me real quick so I can wear this wedding dress.”

Shouldn’t you want to get married because you’re just so in love with somebody that you want to spend the rest of my life with them, not because you want to have a wedding?

From the time a little girl is born, she is taught to be a mother. Girls are the ones that are given baby dolls, not boys. When a little girl is still a baby, you’re teaching her how to care for babies already. In pre-school, the girls played house while the boys played with cars and built in the sandbox.

A girl is taught that if she wants a real baby, she must have a boy to be the daddy. When the boys fell down, they were taught to be men and wipe it off, but when the girls fell down, society didn’t teach them to get up on their own; society taught them to rely on somebody else to get them up and make them better.

You wonder why so many girls have “boy issues” or “let men use them” or “can’t be independent.” From before we could even think for ourselves, you taught us that we needed men. Most women don’t know how to get themselves up when they fall down because our entire lives other people have been picking us up. So when that girl doesn’t have somebody to pick her up, she isn’t going to know how.

I sat in the library studying for an exam the other day with a couple of my male friends from class. Somehow, the talk of marriage came up and I learned that they don’t think they want to get married. They feel like they have to.

One of them even said, “I don’t want to ever get married.” And I stayed silent, because how pathetic is it that I have wanted to get married as long as I can possibly remember. I should want to be married because I love somebody that much, not because I want to have a diamond ring and beautiful wedding dress.

I’ve been through some absolutely horrible relationships, and I can say for a fact that I stayed in those relationships because he “loved” me and that meant maybe he would put a ring on my finger and I could finally have the day I have been dreaming of. But, like I said, they were horrible relationships.

That wasn’t love, I was making it something it wasn’t because I’ve been dreaming of my wedding my whole life, I didn’t even care who was at the end of the aisle. If he wanted to marry me, I was going to do it.

Now, I’m not like that anymore. I still crave that wedding, but I’m not settling anymore because I’ve learned my self-worth. But I bet somewhere out there, there is another girl who walked down the aisle, or is saying yes to walking down the aisle, because society has taught her to dream of that “big day” her entire life, that she just wants the day.

In today’s society, I’m told that I am equal to men. And trust me, I believe that I have traits, education, and the ability to be just as qualified or educated as a man. I have self-respect, I have the ability to not need a man for anything and everything. However, I was raised to think that I needed to have a wedding, a husband, and a baby at such a young age that I can’t stop wanting it.

Society kept teaching me to depend on other people that I almost didn't know how to be independent. Instead of being told I need a boy to take care of me, and teaching me how to care for my future family, I should have been taught how to take care of myself.

I have learned how to take care of myself and how to be independent, in a good way. I don't give somebody the power to take away all my happiness and shatter my world anymore. I know how to survive when I don't have somebody there to take care of me. I have the ability to create my own happiness and be able to go through a day without giving somebody else the power to ruin it.

But I have also learned how to depend on a significant other to be there when I have bad days, to bring me soup when I'm too sick to get out of bed, to take me safely home from the bar each and every night, to help me make big decisions and to help me pick up all my pieces when I fall apart.

One day, I will have the day I’ve been dreaming of, but I will have it for the right reasons: because I love that man so much I want to be with him until the day I die. Until then, I will continue to post on that dang Pinterest board of mine and keep wishing that every girl who walks down an isle will do it for love, not for that “big day” they’ve had planned since they were 8.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

47248
houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee
nappy.co

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

120554
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments