Lights, camera, sudden distraction.
Throughout my life, cameras have been my thing. I just absolutely love them. I love the feeling of standing in front of a camera, and the flash that had just captured a sense of emotion I would have forever with this still image.
Getting a new phone has always been my favorite, but not for the newly improved iPhone, for the empty camera roll. My entire life has a showcase on each of my past phones, holding thousands of smiles and flashes. This way of capturing moments had, over time, become a way to continuously look at myself and wonder how I could stay this happy, energetic, and obtain the illumination I perceived in each of these photos forever.
I never understood how celebrities did it in the media, with years and years passing, but managing to look youthful, vibrant, and eclectic. This is when I started to understand that beauty is happiness, energy, and the illuminating feeling from the inside. The only thing that could give it away would be the stress and fear I was containing, and I would never want to let my own fears of the future distract my ability to live in the moment.
It struck me when I turned eighteen. I started reminiscing on absolutely everything I had accomplished in the year prior, yet this full set of accomplishments, obtained goals, newfound friendships, academic successes, and absolutely amazing experiences led me to the opposite emotion to one I would have expected. In the middle of the day, it had fully hit me that I was eighteen, and I started bawling.
Like, actually bawling. Now, considering the absolutely amazing year I had been through, these tears definitely did not make me feel so amazing. So, being the perfectionist I am, I got to the bottom of the reasoning for these tears pretty quickly.
Implemented in the industries we work in, the perception of perfection and reflections in a mirror stand a figment of beauty which can either enhance someone's overall thoughts or do the direct opposite. This way of thinking which is now absolutely everywhere has turned my childhood self, still a teenager, into developing a worrisome sense of what the future holds without youthfulness and opportunities of youth.
My eyes opened on my eighteenth birthday: consumed with perceptions of beauty displayed in media and my fascination with obtaining a young, admirable figure. I hadn’t realized how much this affected me until the tears started rolling down my cheeks during the most exciting and happy day. This was until I realized that I simply couldn’t be young forever.
I couldn’t, and would never be able to live a life where I’m stuck at seventeen—although I always catch myself saying I wish I was. I couldn’t be young forever. My determination and willingness to push myself to my absolute full potential in every life boundary with the constant reminder of influencing my future, is not a mindset I often find throughout others in my age group.
My unwillingness to settle for less than 100% of attention on either side of a relationship, drive to pursue my passions to obtain a stable and successful future lifestyle, incredible work ethic, and inability to love with only half of my heart, has shown my maturity from a very young age. I’ve never been able to settle for less than my personal goals, and staying seventeen forever would certainly not fit well with the “old soul" that I've always had.
Recently, I’ve learned the power of growth, and the meaning and opportunities that come along with age. The ideals that continuously would pop into my head regarding maximizing life experiences at such a young age have somewhat shifted, and I no longer find, or allow myself, to wander the wrinkle cream aisle at Sephora until I actually need to.
Society has given me a perception at such a young age that appearance is power, and can overpower the mindset one feels. I'm a strong advocate for the fashion industry, and my major just so happens to be Fashion Design, so I've always admired the figments I see on the pages of magazines, and healthy lifestyles I read in magazine editorials.
With my extensive skincare routine, I've over time become obsessed with obtaining an image, and at one point, it must have became something that affected me more than I knew. I know I'm not alone with these thoughts, so let me break it down for you.
Over the course of the past year, I've come to realize that these lifestyles and images that are given off from pop culture are not obtainable from the fear of age. These models and media personalities have an amazing work ethic and put this work ethic to the test when they maximize their time. And they do so in a way that makes them unafraid of the passing of time as they're always living in the moment.
The wrinkle cream aisle will always remain, but the sooner you set aside this fear, the longer it will take until you'll even have to step foot in it. In a rough quote from the powerful mogul, Kris Jenner herself, she mentions age is only how you feel, and setting aside this fear of an added candle on a birthday cake has made me feel fabulously youthful and extremely mature. Basically, I'm now feeling the best of both worlds.
I'm turning nineteen this month, and I feel so accomplished. My vibrancy and excitement for these upcoming years has me extremely excited for what my future has to hold, and excited to take the steps to further maturity. I've done a lot of self-reflecting and have had many amazing experiences this year, and how would I have obtained all of those if I were still seventeen?
I cried on my eighteenth birthday, and I’m going to scream of joy on my nineteenth. Age is but a number, remember that.
