My story is a long and complicated one but not one that I regret. I used to be a very dependent person and a people-pleaser. I wanted the world to be happy before I looked for happiness myself and I accomplished this by refusing to disagree with people. I can see this now looking back over my friendships, my past relationships, and my connection with my family. I look back with the knowledge I have gained this year and I wonder how I managed to put myself through everything that I did.
My social psychology class taught me that the "general requirement of interdependence is the management of response interference", which is an incompatibility in what members of the relationship are likely to do (Rupert Nacoste, NCSU Professor). Without that interpersonal conflict, there is no relationship to begin with. Before my freshman year in college, I always wanted everyone else to be satisfied, meaning I would not share my opinion if it would make someone else unhappy. I would not make my own decision about something if it made my companions displeased. I put up with occurrences people should never have to go through and this was all because I just didn’t voice my opinion; I did not want to disagree. I did not like to argue or fight, and I still don’t. But I know now there has to be interpersonal conflict for the relationship to exist. Any kind of relationship has "two reasonable sets of preferences" and ideas, not just one. My opinion is needed just as much as the other person’s in the relationship.
Through college, I have been and will be able to make so many new relationships with people. Real relationships: ones where I can tell the other person exactly what I think even if he or she doesn’t agree with what I have to say. Because "the management of response interference requires a focus on one’s own behavior", I will know when those interpersonal conflicts should be handled and how to handle the arguments when they arise. And I will express my opinion because it is my own.
~A special thank you to Dr. Nacoste, whose words and ideas inspired this article.~
