Social media has become somewhat of an epidemic in the last couple of years, from Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, Facebook. It’s now possible to post your whole life online for the world to see. Social media is a great thing- you can keep in touch with people from all across the country, it gives you something to do when you’re wanting to be entertained, and it ultimately is a platform that allows you to express yourself (basically express an “aesthetic” people will follow). However, social media has a hidden evil that a lot of us don’t realize until it’s too late.

Social media kills self-esteem. It killed mine- and I’m sure it’s ruined many others as well. Yes, social media is great, with connections and expressions and all that stuff, but in reality, social media made me hate myself a lot of the time. I would be scrolling through Instagram, seeing all of the people who are thinner than me, more fit than me, having a better profile picture than me, having a relationship that is “goals” while I’m incredibly single, and just doing more incredible things I wish I was doing, like traveling, going to the beach, being in a show if I wasn’t in one. Basically, they are living the life I wish I was, and I try to make up for this insecurity by posting pictures on my Instagram, wishing thousands of people would comment to tell me I look good, that I did my makeup well, that my hair looks nice: anything to make me feel better about myself.

On Twitter, I want my tweet to go viral, I wanted thousands of people to think I was funny, that I was clever. I wanted to post a series of selfies and having thousands of people tell me I was beautiful, that I looked great, that I was “goals.” But they didn’t. I have a few followers on all my platforms, but nothing close to what these Instagram models have, or these Youtubers have. Nothing close to what I wish would raise my self-esteem. On Snapchat, I always want to use a filter, or always want to stand in front of a window to make my eyes more blue. It’s always something to make me look better so people will comment on it. I wanted people to tell me how great I looked, because I never believed it myself. Why should I, when not nearly as many people comment on my pictures as they do another girl from my high school, from the college I go to. Why should I think I’m beautiful, if social media doesn’t tell me I am?

Social media is this toxic mix of good and evil: it’s good to stay connected and express yourself in a healthy way online, but it’s bad to compare yourself to others and see all these people living a life you want while you’re sitting at your computer scrolling through Twitter. You want people to think you’re funny, you want that validation because it feels good. I’m here to tell you to stop comparing yourself to all these Instagram models, or these celebrities. Half of them are dressed by their stylists, and the other half are required to post pictures because they get paid for it. Half of the pictures you see are edited, photoshopped, and altered to make the people in it look better. Social media is a mirage; it’s not real life. You should dress how you want to, not how Instagram models do. You should live the life you want to live, not the ones celebrities have online. Social media needs to be a healthy balance; you should feel confidence when you post a picture, not extreme dread.