Now, I've been sitting on the idea of writing this for a while now for myself for a while now.

Recently, I've noticed that some might need to hear this because its what you're thinking and others need to hear this so they back tf off.

What is now approaching almost 10 months, I lost a best friend. My one constant. My one completely judge-free zone. My one always there no matter what time it was. Who I'd like to think as my person.

You know who I'm talking about, we all have that one person that you can count on, it's not a constant in touch everyday kind of thing, it's a "I don't think I can do this anymore", "I feel so alone", "I just need someone", or a "I just had a bad day and I need you" or simply "I miss you" its that person. The one who you can go to when shit has hit the fan at 900 Mph or when you have had a horrible day and you need to complain, or you can't make a decision, or you just miss them because of who they are to you; it's THAT person.

Anyway, when I found out he was gone, that feeling: the denial, the shock, the overwhelming panic, the my world is falling apart feeling. You probably can relate but when that happened I was absolutely beside myself and could not and sometimes still can not process it all.

AND THEN, I made the biggest mistake I could have possibly made in the situation. I got on social media... I was heartbroken and distraught before. Now. Now, I was livid. People who I knew weren't close to him, who were mean in school, judged without knowing, people who somedays even though he wasn't perfect, made his life hell and made it all worse because they thought it was funny. Those people, were the ones posting "I can't believe you're gone", "gone too young", "I will miss you so much", with your PROFILE picture with it, like it meant something.

Social media makes it so hard to grieve appropriately because the people who this was their son, brother, nephew, cousin, and friend. The people who this had ripped their hearts ripped straight from their chests and made them feel like their world had just ended. Their FAMILY, who knows everything about them, who they didn't get along with or didn't like, who bullied them, and who made everything harder on purpose. But also, know the people who were always there, who they loved, who mattered to them, and who helped them when they needed it most. The people who were not the positive things listed, they have to see you post about how "torn apart" you are that the person who you snap chatted once, or saw on campus once, or hell had even just heard of from another person. They have to see that and the emotions that poor into the feelings of knowing someone just wants attention or for someone just to feel bad for them because they sorta knew that person that died. Those feelings suck and piss you off because you know the truth and they want a pity party, they want to be apart of something, that really if you've ever experienced this kind of pain, you do not, under any circumstances want to be a part of it because there is nothing like it.

In reality, the people who were truly affected by the tragedy aren't going to post about it unless their hearts need and it and if they do usually they consists of memories/photos with that person. These people see the fake love you're showing off and it hurts them and no one but.

Grieving is not easy in the slightest and takes a lot of time and with social media it makes it even harder to do.

If you have recently lost someone and seeing these things bother you and make you angry like they did me. I suggest taking a break until the shock of the matter wears off which to the people who are showing that fake love for attention is usually about a week. People who weren't torn apart by this will not care about it nor mention later which can hurt still because even years later when that moment you found out still haunts you in your sleep, they have forgotten them.

So next time, the person who is showing that fake love, stop and think about what you are doing it and why. It's okay to contact the family & friend and tell them you are so sorry for the passing of their ___. But don't go around acting like your life is just ruined because you saw them on Tinder once.

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*Side note: I absolutely did not mean to step on anyones toe in the writing of this. I wrote this simply to shine some light on the way the situation I went through and the way I felt and how that was for me. You may agree with this and you may not but I felt like it needed said because after several others have passed I see the people affected making comments about the topic and it break my heart.

To all of you that have had someone so close to you pass whether it is a mother/father, brother/sister, cousin, friend, or the love of your life. I am so deeply sorry and my heart breaks for you. The pain comes in waves and somedays will be better than others. You WILL survive and you WILL make it through. It is going to hurt and it probably always will but the sting will fade. NEVER give up because someone needs you. Remember how you feel now and know if you give up, you're putting a whole new group of people through what you just quit. God will heal your heart it time, be strong.