First off, before I attempt to answer the big question, I will admit that I am sober (100% sober- which means I don't drink or smoke). Now, since I have been living a sober life for at least 6 months, I am not only comfortable with sharing my story, but I also feel the need to help others who may feel alone because they are sober.
I have found that one of the main reasons why a lot of people are not willing to commit, or even try, to live a sober life is because they are afraid to change their social life. Losing friends, especially close friendships, suck. However, I don't believe that ending your friendship with someone who is not sober is necessary when wanting to live a sober life. I myself am sober and have great friends who are non-sober!
Before I explain how I am able to have non-sober friends, I have to put out a disclaimer. There are a lot of articles out there explaining what an addiction is, it is a disease, and it should not be taken lightly. Therefore, my personal story may not necessarily help those who are dealing with an addiction and need professional help. I began my sobriety journey because I was dealing with an addiction. I attended meetings and was pretty strict with my sobriety.
Later on, I decided to attempt to live a sober life without ridiculous restrictions. The way I see it, you will only stick to something if it is enjoyable, right? So, instead of having strict rules and ending all of my friendships, I decided to take a different approach.
My sobriety is one of the most important things to me, so I had to make sure that I was never putting my sobriety in danger. When you decide to still have non-sober friends in your life, you now run the risks of having temptations around you. That is the first thing you need to understand before you decide if you want to still have non-sober friends.
I found that being completely honest with your friends is the best way to let them know that you value your choice of wanting to be sober, and yet care about them enough to still want them in your life. Many of my friends were happy that I was honest with them and many of them understood where I was coming from and respect the choice that I made.
Once I was clear about being sober with my friends, the invitations to parties and going to the bar began to disappear. There were a few times where I would still get asked to go grab a celebratory drink or go to a party where people would be drinking. I had to remind myself that I could not put the blame on my friends for inviting me to grab a drink or go to a party with them. It is my own responsibility to remind them that I prefer not to attend because I am sober.
You have the choice of either going and dealing with the temptations around you or declining the invite and telling your friends that you would love to spend time with them doing something else. After all, YOU are the one that chose sobriety, not your friend.
When I decided that I still wanted my non-sober friends in my life, I had to figure out other ways on how to spend time with them. If you still want to hang out with your friends as much as you did when you weren't sober, then you need to come up with fun activities to do that do not include drinking or smoking.
Great examples are going to the movies, going to a park, going for a walk, working out together, painting together, cooking a meal together, or even simply staying in and relaxing (there are endless possibilities!). Most of the time, a lot of my friends come over to my house and we watch movies together, play video games, and cook a lot of food. We have so much fun just hanging out at my house and I don't have to worry about having temptations around me.
So, yes, it is possible to be sober and has non-sober friends. It all comes down to how much sobriety means to you. If you want to live a healthier and sober life then DO IT! If your friends truly care about you and value your friendship, they will understand and respect the choice you make.
Who knows?
Maybe you will end up inspiring them to want to cut down on drinking and smoking. After all, once they start spending time with you outside of the bar, they will notice how much fun you can have without a drink in your hand!
