For years I have found writing to be my most intimate friend. I can say whatever I want, and my writings won't tell, won't judge me, and they won't leave me. Writing has been a comfort, and a means to talk with my Heavenly Father. However, when it came to sharing my writings, I became instantly protective and locked them away. I have been learning the importance of vulnerability and the need to let others love me because the more I let others love me, the better I can love those who need it as well.
"So I wrote. I wrote as though God thought my voice mattered. I wrote because I believed a human story was beautiful, no matter how small the human was. I wrote because I didn't make myself, God did. And I wrote like He'd invited me to share my true self with the world." (Scary Close by Donald Miller)
The truth is, we all deal with pain and suffering. We all live a life in which we experience emotional, spiritual, physical and mental battles. Life is a constant battle that we cannot fight alone, and we cannot win without the ultimate power of our winning Savior. We fight the lies in this world telling us that we must find our worth through what we can accomplish, or that love must be earned. However, that is so NOT the truth! God rescues the weak, the helpless, and the broken. In fact, we may even find that through being vulnerable in all of our shame and sufferings, our deepest and most meaningful relationships and impacts could be made.
How can we be authentically real when we are paralyzed with fear about what people might see? "Hi, nice to meet you. My name is Shame, and I like to prevent you from being able to be vulnerable and the real you so that you can create longer lasting, deeper relationships."
Sound familiar? Shame has a way of taking one’s thoughts captive so that they do not feel like there is a way out. Yet, by choosing to love God, love ourselves, and be vulnerable slowly with what is causing that shame, we can find that way out.
A child does not learn how to speak all at once, just as a person will not learn how to completely trust or be real all at once. It takes baby steps, and it takes a build-up of a relationship. The more that they trust and begin to open up, the less shame and fear that they will feel. Being vulnerable does not always mean that one must share their entire life story at the drop of a hat. It just means that they are willing to be real when someone asks how they are doing, when someone needs advice, or when they are seeking to get to truly know a person and be known. One must break down to themselves slowly, share those broken pieces with someone else even slower, and then remember to pray the whole way through.
We all want to be loved, and we all want to be known. In order to truly get to know someone and love them in a way that Christ loved, we have to be real and trust them with the full us that God created, and maybe the world has damaged. In return, we can get to know the real, broken person and gain a truly, emotionally intimate relationship in which God calls us towards.
So I write. Not only for me but for you to know me and the Savior inside of me.
