I have eczema, which means my skin gets very inflamed and itchy. It used to be so much worse than it is now, and I'm really grateful that allergy shots got the flare-ups under control. However, when I do get a flare-up, it soon turns into layers upon layers of scabs.
It all started with pulling my hair. I have scalp psoriasis, so I told myself I was just pulling out the flakes. I wasn't just pulling out the flakes; I was pulling out my hair. It hurt, yet it was satisfying to me, and it somehow calmed my anxiety. It got so bad that I did it in public without even realizing it. I still do.
It soon moved to picking my skin.
I didn't realize my skin-picking "habit" was a problem until recently. It started with peeling the skin off of my lips when they were chapped. I just thought I was getting rid of the flakiness, but soon my lips would bleed to the point where it hurt to eat. Then it moved to my hands. My fingers got dry from hand-washing, so I peeled the dry skin off. I knew I shouldn't do it, but I just kept doing it.
Now I'm to the point where I'm picking at skin that is almost completely healed or skin that is completely healthy.
Most of the time, I'm picking at the same spots over and over again. Now those spots are thickened, ugly, and blistered.
I know this won't stop once my skin heals. Once I see a little imperfection or a bit of loose skin, I'll pull it and the whole cycle will start over.
This sounds disgusting and might not make sense to you, but it's a real problem. It's affecting my life to the point where I want to hide my skin. If I'm anxious, I pick, and I can't stop, even if my brain is telling me to.
If you do this, you're not alone.
There is a disorder called dermatillomania (excoriation disorder). It might start as pulling a few harmless scabs, but it soon turns into picking until your skin is raw.
I am currently seeing a therapist to try to stop doing this. I know it's rooted in my anxiety.
I get restless, and I need to focus but jolt myself out of it at the same time.
Picking won't control my life. I've gone through numerous bandages to cover this up and stop picking. I've been carrying around a stress ball to make myself not pick. It works. But I still haven't figured out why I exactly do it.
I'll be patient until then.
