It's about that time when radio stations start playing Christmas music again. It's pretty nice, really. When I turn on the radio now, I can expect some fun and goodhearted songs that remind me of when I was a little kid. That's not what I get, however, when the radio stations decide to play "Baby, It's Cold Outside." For those that don't know, the song (a holiday favorite for some reason) is about a man convincing a woman to spend the night with him by telling her it's too cold outside for her to leave his place. It's usually sung as a duet and it's generally implied that the woman in question gets convinced to stay after all. Sound sweet? Maybe. But if you really look at the lyrics, there are six reasons this is the farthest thing from a feel-good Christmas song ...

1.) "My mother will start to worry … my father will be pacing the floor ... "

These lines (both sung by the woman) appear early on in the song and sort of set the tone for what follows.Had this line been omitted from the song, we would probably just assume that the male singer and female singer are young adults and the woman is perfectly capable of making her own decisions. But no! A young woman who's mature enough to decide where she spends her nights does not typically live with her parents and have a curfew! I can't remember the last time my dad was "pacing the floor" if I didn't come home by a certain time … maybe when I first got my car? So for all intents and purposes, we can assume that, by her parents' expected reactions, this girl is a minor spending her time with a guy who is old enough to be living in his own house.  

2.) "Why don't you put some records on while I pour?"

This line is sung by the man, right after the woman concedes, "Maybe just a half a drink more." The casual listener is probably happy that the two have decided to spend more time together. But there's a red flag here … why does she have to go be preoccupied with another activity while he makes the next round of drinks? Is putting on records really that time-consuming that the girl absolutely had to do it while he was making more drinks? I call foul. Especially considering …

3.) "Say, what's in this drink?"

This line is sung by the girl in the verse right after the last line was sung. Why is she all of a sudden questioning this? Does it taste weird? Is the consistency off? Considering the guy she's with just made this drink by himself, those are serious issues if true. Even more possible — what if this girl has never had alcohol before? She's young enough to have a curfew, so it's possible that she is too young to have ever tried alcohol. Is the guy in this song giving a minor alcohol for the first time while trying to get her to stay over? Even worse, the guy never bothers to answer her question … he just keeps rambling about non-related weather issues.

4.) "Gosh your lips look delicious"

This lyric comes later on in the song, so it's assumed that the drinks are finished and the girl in question is getting more and more convinced to stay. Here's the thing about this line — I've overheard some really, really weird pickup lines, and I've heard stories about even weirder ones … but this takes the cake. This girl is not even for sure staying the night and the guys' go-to flirting line is "your lips look delicious?" As if starting with lips wasn't bold enough, literally any adjective in the English language would have been less creepy than "delicious." Granted, I've never been a girl in this situation before, but I can imagine that I would rather hear "pretty" or even "sexy" before I heard a guy try to describe part of me as "delicious". And yet ...

5.) "Ooh, baby you're so delicious"

Not much to say … the girl is still verbally working out her moral dilemma about staying the night, and yet he's already tasting her.  

6.) "Making my lifelong sorrow … If you caught pneumonia and died"

OK … we get it. It's cold outside. And selling the comfort of your home really isn't the worst way to get a girl to stay over. But now he's taking it too far. For all we know, this girl is a minor drinking for her first time and getting tasted against her will. Is putting the idea of death in her mind really what she needs at this moment in time? This guy was already creepy … now he's just weirdly aggressive. I understand that some guys will go to extreme lengths when they start to get desperate, but implying death by pneumonia — that has to take the cake for one of the most aggressively desperate things ever said by a guy to get a girl to sleep over with him.

And then at the end of the song, she just goes "you win," or something to that effect. And that's it. The song is over. I guess that most people think it's sweet the two people will share a night together in the warmth while the snow comes down really hard outside, and everyone has a merry Christmas. But from what I've gathered, this guy has successfully gotten a minor drunk (possibly using drugs) and convinced her against her better judgment to sleep with him while using some of the creepiest strategies I have ever heard. I guess that when you get the right singers, the song is kind of nice to listen to … but now that I've really paid attention to the lyrics, I can't help but think that this song is all sorts of disturbing.