It is always the sinner who prays the hardest. Guilt will play you like that, as will fearing God. Nothing matters. Nothing is bad until you think of the consequence that goes with it - such as when you steal a 20 dollar purse and end up with a 900 dollar theft ticket. That is karma, or God, or a punishment, a deterrence for the next time, whatever it is that you want to refer to it as.
Nothing is wrong until you think about how it will harm you later. That is why the world is selfish. That is why there are people in this world who hate religion and say that God was a social construct to keep the people in line. I don’t believe that but people don’t do right to be right. People do right in order to receive what they believe they deserve, and that alone can make man question religion. It's hard at my age to know exactly what I believe in or exactly what I am putting my faith in.
I believe in God. I know that we were put on this earth for something and by someone, and I will spend my life trying to figure out what exactly I was put here to do. I know that bad things happen sometimes to good people, and I have taken enough religion courses to know that there is no reason why. I know that bad things also happen to bad people and the majority of people do good in order to avoid bad, but I also know that that is wrong. That there should be no reason to do good. That doing good selfishly is not good at all.
It is always the sinner who prays the hardest because he has the most to make up for. At the end of his life one "I'm sorry" will not cut it, so he starts early. He starts with I’ll change, "give me this one last thing and I swear ill leave my ways behind. I will be exactly who you wanted me to be" and speeches like that are the ones my mom always warned me to stay away from. Because when you as a person believe that a prayer can cancel out all the bad you’ve done, that an "I'm sorry" can make up for lost time or money or even worse, a loss of hope you will never change, you will never learn. The world is not yours to do whatever you want with. You can run around here like you own this place, like you have never heard the word no, like your actions will not come with a punishment because you will make up for it later, but then you do not have the right to be scared of the punishment. You can not cause harm and be mad when people don’t forgive you - that is the way of a sinner.
I was never big on the word sinner. As a child I spent a lot of time in church avoiding listening, tapping my brother, my shoes, my mother all to avoid what I thought would be the boredom of listening to the service. But sinner always perked up my ears. Why would God create labels. To look at a man dead in the eyes knowing that He created him and everything that ever happened to him and say that that man is bad. There is no such thing as a bad man as long as that man feels guilt, guilt so bad that he needs to change. That that speech, the “I am sorry, I will change” speech only ever happens once. It is always the sinner who prays the hardest, and that is why I can believe in religion because there is hope that this sinners prayer will still be heard.
