I have been seeing posts and articles condemning those who celebrate their single parent on both Mother's and Father’s Day. Many have even gone as far as calling it ignorance, selfishness, saltiness . . . other unfair words. I am curious about whom exactly people are mad at, the children who appreciate their single parents or the single parents because they accept the appreciation. Honestly, this should not be an issue because it is all a matter of choice; but the name calling and insulting posts have gotten to me. It is easy to judge from the outside, therefore my purpose is to give a deeper insight. My mother has been a single mother for about thirteen years and until about five years ago I never acknowledged Father’s Day. After all, my father was absent in my life and to be honest I was fine with it. About five years ago we moved to United States of America, and Father’s Day fell on a Sunday. In schools, children were making plans about what they would do with their fathers, in church wives were sharing ideas -- it was a good thing and I was not bothered. Then I saw my mother’s face, I could not shake the idea that she felt she was not giving me and my sisters enough or that she felt she was failing us. I was going to disregard the idea because it is ridiculous that she would think that, but then I thought of my sisters. What if they did feel left out? What if it they did feel like they were not getting enough? It is unfair and infuriating that a woman who, with the help of God and family, survived domestic abuse, created a home and provided for three daughters, was betrayed by her “lifelong” partner would feel like she was not giving or doing enough. Therefore, that Father’s Day we wrote a poem for my mother and bought her gifts to appreciate her sacrifices and efforts and to make my sisters know that they were in good hands, that they would be alright.
It worked! We celebrated that day together and it was good, there was less anger, less hate, and lots of thanks. So, every other Father’s Day I remind my mother once again that she is doing good and my sisters that they would be alright. Because it makes more sense if my sisters focused on the "someone" who would sacrifice their all for them instead of the one who walked out and never looked back. Because I find joy knowing that my mother understands she is making us happy in the best way she can, even if she thinks the opposite again when she is by herself.
When I shared this with a friend, he said but isn’t that what Mother's Day is for and I realized there are some things you just cannot explain to people. That’s fine actually, but get this straight. If my father had the choice to walk away, I get to appreciate my single parent whenever I want, just like you get to appreciate both parents. We all get the choice of appreciating our parents and letting them know that they are doing good and no one gets called ignorant, selfish, salty or any unnecessary names.