I've been through many toxic relationships in life. Whether that be a friend or a boyfriend, I have definitely experienced toxic relationships. I have to tell you though, the best part of a toxic relationship is getting out of it!
First off: How do you know when you're in a toxic relationship?
Typical signs include:
- "Walking on egg shells"
- Lies were involved
- You're NEVER right (according to the other person)
- The toxic person always has to "win", because everything is a competition
- The toxic person constantly takes you out of your comfort zone
- They try to control you
- They're manipulative
- Bribes
- Gossip
- Your friendship is usually one-sided
- Overstepped boundaries
- They try to make you feel inferior
- They're ALWAYS trying to get you in trouble or get under your skin
- They always make these comments that are rude but aren't rude enough to where you can actually say anything rude back
- Typical bullying
- You have to always use your fight or flight response
- You're suddenly more moody or more insecure
- Loss of sleep
- Loss of appetite or increased appetite
- Depression/ Anxiety
- Experience panic attacks after being around the person
- Depending solely on that person
- There's no space
- Emotional blackmail
- Other people are telling you that something is wrong
- Fights never get resolved
- Never having an actual conversation without arguing
- Always picking up the other person's slack
- Not being appreciated
- Jealousy
- You can't be yourself
- You aren't allowed to use your healthy coping skills
- Obsession does NOT equal love
- They turn people you love against you
- They always play the victim
- They don't take responsibility for their actions
- They never admit their wrongs
- You constantly apologize even if you're not in the wrong
- Your health starts getting bad (always getting sick)
Yeah. That's a LOT. This is what I have experienced throughout all of my toxic relationships. The best thing you can do in this situation is to REMOVE the toxic person IMMEDIATELY. Honestly, it's the most relieving feeling. You will become so much happier with yourself. I've lost more sleep than I should have over toxic people. If possible, you can always take a step back in the relationship and not be as close as you once were. But you don't have to be best friends. Something else you have to do is not hold on to who or what hurt you. If you do, you will hold so much resentment and anger towards that person and towards yourself. Forgiveness is such a simple word, but it's so hard to do once you've been hurt. (Kellie Pickler Quote). But seriously: I know it's hard to remove toxic people, especially if you love them or are close to them. But you will feel so much better. Here are some things you can do to remove a toxic person from your life:
- Remove them from all of your social media outlets (block them if it comes to it)
- Get out of the environment that they're in. Move your schedule around so that you don't see them as frequently.
- Don't feel like you owe them a huge explanation
- Accept that it will be a painful process
- Be the bigger person
That last one is painful, I admit. But sometimes, the toxic person just has to have their way. And that's the easiest thing to do. But also know that that person will not go far if they continue to act that way. Sometimes you just have to "surrender" to this supposed "war" you're having. It may be best just to let them think they're right.
But believe me: Removing toxic people is relieving. It's hard to do, but it's worth doing.
