There are days when I miss you. There are times when I want to dial you on the phone to tell you my good news. There are minutes that my heart aches for you. There are flashbacks that bring back your smile and the memory of your kiss on my lips. There are moments when my stomach drops at the idea of never hearing your laugh again. It has been years since we were together, months since we've talked, so why do I still miss you?
Days will come and go before you ever cross my mind. When you do, it's a fleeting moment. One I must chase after in order to remember. But, once I begin thinking about you, I can't stop. I remember the good, the bad, the ugly, the happiest moments we spent together. Social media updates me on your life when I am too much of a chicken to ask you myself. Pictures of you flood my Facebook feed; pictures of you at your favorite course, pictures of you laughing with your friends, and even pictures of you with new girls that are in your life.
My heart sinks at the sight of you moving on. But I don't know if it sinks because I miss you, or because I haven't moved on. Once I start thinking about you, everything reminds me of you. What once was just a color, now slaps me across the face reminding me that it is your favorite color. What once was just a song on the radio, reminds me of you belting it at the top of your lungs after we watched fireworks on the fourth of July. What once was just a movie I saw in the theaters, is the movie I remember seeing with you on our first date. What once was just a boring sport that put me to sleep to watch, now reminds me of you every time it is on the television because it is your sport of choice.
You are not always on my mind, but when something reminds me of you, then you are. I don't know why I still miss you, I just know I do. I feel that I am completely over you, happy with my life, until someone new asks me out, and I can't help but think of you.
You were the last one I went on a date with.
You were the last one I loved.
You were the last one who knew me better than anyone else.
You were the last one that gave me butterflies.
You were the last one that gave me love in return.
You were the last one that was my world.
You were the last one I let meet my family.
You were the last one I opened up to.
You were the last one I wanted to be with forever.
You were the last one I cared about more than anything.
You were the last one for everything.
Maybe it is the fear of rejection, or the fear of letting go that stops me from completely moving on. Our relationship was never perfect, I don't ever pretend that it was. We had a lot of growing up to do the last time we were together. Maybe it's the way things ended between us; me caring and you not. Maybe it is me longing for a re-connection. Maybe it is me longing to be loved again.
Whatever the reason, I still miss you. I think I will always miss you.
