The holidays are truly the best time of the year, and Thanksgiving and Christmas are two of the best days of the year. If you’re in a relationship, and you choose to spend these days with your family instead of your significant other, you shouldn’t be ashamed of that! My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years. We have never spent the actual day of the holiday together, (Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day). Instead, we choose to spend it with our families.

This doesn’t mean we don’t want to spend it together, or we’re choosing not to want to spend time together. Of course, we want to spend time together, but there’s a time for that. And it’s not for a while. Maybe when we get engaged or married, then we’ll choose to split the day between our families. But until then, we are cherishing the time spent with our families alone. I could never ask my significant other to leave their family to spend it with me, just as I would not leave my family to spend it with them.

This is not an indication of breaking up, nor should it define your relationship. You are simply cherishing time with your families. Some may say, “Do you not want them around your family?” And that’s not the case whatsoever. I have had friends ask me, “What are you two doing for Thanksgiving?” and they're always so surprised when we say, "We spend it apart." I feel that it’s just a given to spend the days together once you start dating. But that’s just it, you’re dating. You’re not married. You’re not engaged. The idea is to enjoy the time with your family while you can before you get married and start your own family.

You may find yourself in denial about not spending the holidays together; should we? Do we need too? Does that mean we aren't a strong couple? Are we failing? Choosing to not spend the holidays together shouldn't make or break your relationship. It doesn't mean you love each other any less. If anything, you realize the amount of immense love they have for you, since they want you to be happy not breaking tradition, by spending your holiday with the people you've spent it with your entire life.

Every relationship is different.

Just because we don’t spend the actual day together, we still celebrate the holidays! We still exchange gifts, go Christmas shopping, go see Christmas Lights, and do everything else that people do to celebrate the holidays. We have spent every Christmas Eve, and Black Friday together since 2014. But as for the actual holiday, we choose to spend with our families. And that’s okay.