**Ya'll got a kick out of my baby picture from last week so here's another one. The year was 1996 (I think) and I only wanted to be around my older brother and sister, play with my friends and pretend I was princess. Somethings never change.**
Remember that little hand game that we use to play when we were little? It started as shame, shame, shame. C'mon, EVERYONE use to play it. If you remember, cool. If not, it's fine. It has nothing to do with this article but I just wanted to take a trip down memory lane. :)
WELCOME BACK! I hope everyone is having one fabbytown week! This week is my spring break and I COULD NOT be more thrilled. Shout out to all of my teacher friends! We are almost to summer! We can do it!
This week, I wanted to dig a little deep and discuss shame. If you had a mom like mine, you were punished for what you did wrong. I use to have a smart mouth when I was a kid (eh, still kind of do). When I would talk back to my mom, she would beat the black off of me first but afterwards, she would explain to me why I was punished, kiss me and we would move on. Well, adulthood isn't all that easy. We will do stupid things and make mistakes until the day we die and there is always going to be consequences for our actions. It's inevitable and there is no stopping it from happening.
What happens when we experience shame? We do something wrong, realize that what we did was awful and then we constantly think of what we could have done differently to cause it from happening; which seems normal for us. But guess what baby, you can't change the past. No matter how many times you replay that awful thing you did in your head, it won't change. You did something wrong and you can't take it back.
When I was in college, I did a lot of dumb things. I dated people that were not a good match for me, befriended people that were not healthy for me and subjected myself to a lifestyle that was not conducive to my walk with God. In other words, I went down a deep, dark abyss and there was no telling where I could have gone. But in 2014, I rededicated my life and my body to God. I made new friends, found myself in a relationship with a great guy and started to surround myself in environments that align with my values. But when I came around those awesome new people in my life, I felt so much shame. I felt as if I was not worthy of being around these amazing people because of mistakes I made in my past. I constantly beat myself up and even made jokes (comic relief is a coping mechanism for me) about who I once was. It hurt to the point where I took the shame I felt on myself and projected that feeling on to other people, which is never healthy. I felt so low for the things that I could not change. I was beating myself up over things that happened 3-4 years ago. Why was I torturing myself and trying to fix a situation that was already finished?
I forgot who I serve.
Pastor Steven Furtick said in his Easter sermon this past Sunday that "Failure is not the end. It's the hinge to the door that swings wide open to receive God's grace." God has forgiven me for every crappy thing that I have done. When I do something unpleasing to God, His love remains the same. If God, the Ruler, the I Am, King of Kings, can forgive me, why can't I forgive myself?
I can't change the past. There is absolutely nothing I can do about what happened. But God has forgiven me for my past and it is by His grace that I am saved. Free yourselves this week, family. Don't guilt yourself or continue to beat yourself up over something that you simply cannot change. Learn from your mistakes and allow God to use your story to show the world what He is capable of doing. We serve the Most High. We serve an awesome God. We serve a God who gave His son so that we could have everlasting life. He is the definition of love. He loves us so let's love ourselves.
I love all of you so big.
God Speed,
Lu.
