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We Need To Talk About Sexual Coercion

The kind of rape culture we don't discuss enough

Katie Smith

Aug 18, 2019

Butler University

Pixabay

When I was 14, I was molested by a guy I knew in High School. There was a period of time where I was coerced into thinking it was love because right after that traumatic event, he told me he loved me. Unfortunately, I got into that situation by him making me feel badly towards him if I didn't see him after a rehearsal one day. I felt guilty enough that I met up with him and the rest is history.

When our society talks about rape culture, we commonly forget to acknowledge the ways in which someone may have gotten into this situation. In NO WAY is it ever the victim's fault. There are more situations than just "wrong place, wrong time" that a victim of rape can be in and this starts the discussion of what happened to me: sexual coercion.

What is Sexual Coercion?

Sexual Coercion is "unwanted sexual activity that happens after being pressured in nonphysical ways that include:

In a healthy relationship, you never have to have sexual contact when you don't want to. Sexual contact without your consent is assault. Sexual coercion means feeling forced to have sexual contact with someone."

When answering the question of what it is, I wanted to do some research to include for awareness because I believe this happens to too many people and barely anyone is talking about it. Here's an interesting chart that I found on https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-saf...:

Examples of sexual coercion

Ways someone might use sexual coercion	What he or she may say
Wearing you down by asking for sex again and again or making you feel bad, guilty, or obligated	"If you really loved me, you'd do it." "Come on; it's my birthday." "You don't know what you do to me."
Making you feel like it's too late to say no	"But you've already gotten me all worked up." "You can't just make someone stop."
Telling you that not having sex will hurt your relationship	"Everything's perfect. Why do you have to ruin it?" "I'll break up with you if you don't have sex with me."
Lying or threatening to spread rumors about you	"Everyone thinks we already have, so you might as well." "I'll just tell everyone you did it anyway."
Making promises to reward you for sex	"I'll make it worth your while." "You know I have a lot of connections."
Threatening your children or other family members	"I'll do this to your child if you don't do it with me."
Threatening your job, home, or school career	"I really respect your work here. I'd hate for something to change that." "I haven't decided yet who's getting bonuses this year." "Don't worry about the rent. There are other things you can do." "You work so hard; it'd be a shame for you not to get an A."
Threatening to reveal your sexual orientation publicly or to family or friends	"If you don't do this, I will tell everyone you're gay."

In the age of Harvey Weinstein and countless others, I want victims of this kind of mistreatment to know they are not alone and that just because you may have had a conversation with your partner about sex, does not give them the right to take it as a yes from you. Yes means yes and no means no. There should be no loopholes around it, otherwise, you are coercing someone into an activity that they may not want to endure. Verbal consent is the most valuable thing a person can give and without it, it is assault.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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We Need To Talk About Sexual Coercion

The kind of rape culture we don't discuss enough

Examples of sexual coercion

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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