Becoming A Survivor of Sexual Assault

Becoming A Sexual Assault Survivor My Freshman Year Of College

April is Sexual Assault Awareness month and I am here to share my story.

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To many, April is simply another month; one month closer to graduation, to summer, to finals. For me, it is a month of remembrance.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month and this is my story of becoming a survivor my first semester at college.

Growing up, my family always warned me of things that could happen if I was not careful. I always listened but I simply thought, "This will never happen to me. I am careful. I can defend myself." But my life drastically changed when I had met this cute boy on Tinder, a dating app. He seemed sweet and I wanted to get to know him as friends, so I invited him over. I knew the moment I met him that I shouldn't have but I like taking risks. We went through the process that we have of registering cars on campus and then went to my dorm.

Everything was fine until my mother had noticed that I had alcohol in my room earlier in the day and confronted me over the phone. I was so upset and felt so horrible that I locked myself in the bathroom and cried. I want the boy gone and I wanted to go to bed. He wouldn't leave so I crawled in bed and tried to sleep. Sometime later, he kicked my roommate, my best friend out, so that he could talk to me alone. This is where I should've sent him home but I gave up trying to convince him to leave. He convinced me to go out that night one last time before I decided to stop in respect to my parents. I didn't want to, but he begged me too. So a few friends, the boy and I went out.

The party was fun at that point, I had gotten drunk off a four loko. He left me to go with his friends that supposedly went to this college. In the wee hours of the morning, we all decided to head back after becoming exhausted and getting beer dumped on us. We all stumbled back across campus to the dorm. I made my roommate stay the night and I am so glad I did. After passing out, I was assaulted as I drifted in and out of sleep. I remember crying and threatening to wake up my roommate.

The next morning, I got up to go to the bathroom and realized that I was in so much pain. I ignored it and went to the bathroom. I frantically messaged my roomate, so she would wak up from all the notifications. I remembered what happened and I sat in the bathroom hyperventilating and in pain.

We devised a plan to get him to leave. It worked but I wanted to punch him. I hated him. I despised his existence. My friends convinced me to go to the campus police. The detective on duty was extremely helpful and calming. I remember sitting there crying as I watched tv in a conference room with my best friend and another close friend. I had texted my dad many hours later at the hospital because I knew that he was 900 miles away and couldn't do anything.

My father and I had a bond and if I told him something that I wanted no one else to know, he would keep his word. I told him not to tell my mother as I spoke to him over the phone. I cried once more, feeling disgusted and like I deserved it. He comforted me and helped me calm down. I remember getting a text from my mother asking odd questions like what I was doing and where I was doing it. My brother had seen through my Snapchat that I was at a hospital and when I refused to tell him why he contacted my Mom. I didn't want her to know. If I could have, I would have told the police I didn't what them knowing anything. I was terrified that my mother was going to hate me, yell at me and tell me that it was all my fault.

That didn't happen. My parents have been the biggest support since this traumatic experience. They have helped me through the nightmares, the anxiety, and the legal processes. Since then, I have turned my anger, fear, and frustration into a healthy coping mechanism: Makeup.


Personal photo


While I still struggle with nightmares and PTSD and insecurities that have developed because of this, I have been surrounded by love. I am not ashamed of my story. I am not what happened to me. I have learned that I am stronger than I ever thought I was. I'm choosing to share my story so that others may know that they are not alone. This world is a scary place but when we stand up for each other and care for one another, it is bearable.

To every survivor, it isn't nor will it ever be your fault. If you have never told anyone your story, I pray that you may find the strength to tell someone and go to the police. You are not alone and you are not your story.


A makeup look for sexual assault awareness which is represented by a teal ribbon Personal photo

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College As Told By Junie B. Jones

A tribute to the beloved author Barbara Parks.
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The Junie B. Jones series was a big part of my childhood. They were the first chapter books I ever read. On car trips, my mother would entertain my sister and me by purchasing a new Junie B. Jones book and reading it to us. My favorite part about the books then, and still, are how funny they are. Junie B. takes things very literally, and her (mis)adventures are hilarious. A lot of children's authors tend to write for children and parents in their books to keep the attention of both parties. Barbara Park, the author of the Junie B. Jones series, did just that. This is why many things Junie B. said in Kindergarten could be applied to her experiences in college, as shown here.

When Junie B. introduces herself hundreds of times during orientation week:

“My name is Junie B. Jones. The B stands for Beatrice. Except I don't like Beatrice. I just like B and that's all." (Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus, p. 1)

When she goes to her first college career fair:

"Yeah, only guess what? I never even heard of that dumb word careers before. And so I won't know what the heck we're talking about." (Junie B. Jones and her Big Fat Mouth, p. 2)

When she thinks people in class are gossiping about her:

“They whispered to each other for a real long time. Also, they kept looking at me. And they wouldn't even stop." (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 66)

When someone asks her about the library:

“It's where the books are. And guess what? Books are my very favorite things in the whole world!" (Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus, p. 27)

When she doesn't know what she's eating at the caf:

“I peeked inside the bread. I stared and stared for a real long time. 'Cause I didn't actually recognize the meat, that's why. Finally, I ate it anyway. It was tasty...whatever it was." (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 66)

When she gets bored during class:

“I drew a sausage patty on my arm. Only that wasn't even an assignment." (Junie B. Jones Loves Handsome Warren, p. 18)

When she considers dropping out:

“Maybe someday I will just be the Boss of Cookies instead!" (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 76)

When her friends invite her to the lake for Labor Day:

“GOOD NEWS! I CAN COME TO THE LAKE WITH YOU, I BELIEVE!" (Junie B. Jones Smells Something Fishy, p. 17)

When her professor never enters grades on time:

“I rolled my eyes way up to the sky." (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 38)

When her friends won't stop poking her on Facebook:


“Do not poke me one more time, and I mean it." (Junie B. Jones Smells Something Fishy, p. 7)

When she finds out she got a bad test grade:

“Then my eyes got a little bit wet. I wasn't crying, though." (Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus, p. 17)

When she isn't allowed to have a pet on campus but really wants one:

“FISH STICK! I NAMED HIM FISH STICK BECAUSE HE'S A FISH STICK, OF COURSE!" (Junie B. Jones Smells Something Fishy, p. 59)

When she has to walk across campus in the dark:

“There's no such thing as monsters. There's no such thing as monsters." (Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed, p. 12)

When her boyfriend breaks her heart:

“I am a bachelorette. A bachelorette is when your boyfriend named Ricardo dumps you at recess. Only I wasn't actually expecting that terrible trouble." (Junie B. Jones Is (almost) a Flower Girl, p. 1)

When she paints her first canvas:


"And painting is the funnest thing I love!" (Junie B. Jones and her Big Fat Mouth, p. 61)

When her sorority takes stacked pictures:

“The biggie kids stand in the back. And the shortie kids stand in the front. I am a shortie kid. Only that is nothing to be ashamed of." (Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed, p. 7)

When she's had enough of the caf's food:

“Want to bake a lemon pie? A lemon pie would be fun, don't you think?" (Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed p. 34)

When she forgets about an exam:

“Speechless is when your mouth can't speech." (Junie B. Jones Loves Handsome Warren, p. 54)

When she finds out she has enough credits to graduate:

“A DIPLOMA! A DIPLOMA! I WILL LOVE A DIPLOMA!" (Junie B. Jones is a Graduation Girl p. 6)

When she gets home from college:

"IT'S ME! IT'S JUNIE B. JONES! I'M HOME FROM MY SCHOOL!" (Junie B. Jones and some Sneaky Peaky Spying p. 20)

Cover Image Credit: OrderOfBooks

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Things I Miss Now That I'm Home From College Again

There are so many reasons to be glad that the school year is over, but if you've done it right... there are a lot of reasons to miss it too.

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So, school is over now and I've come home. As expected I was so relieved at first. No more showering with flip-flops, no more listening to screaming girls running up and down the hall, and a space that is mine and mine alone. But after a week or so of being back, there are a few things I've already started to miss.

I know that not every single person has the ideal roommate but I got really lucky with mine. Coming home I was excited to have my own space, but now when I'm doing my midnight scrolling, I'm realizing that I miss being able to talk to her about the funny things I see in that very moment. Tagging, DMing, and texting her doesn't feel the same as a long night of giggles spent together.

Also, while seeing old friends when you get home is amazing, and there is always a lot to catch up on, you do start to miss your other friends too. Being in college means that your friends are going through similar things as you are all the time. You have tests together, clubs together, and sometimes you spend way too much time procrastinating together. The bond you begin to form is one you definitely begin to miss - especially when you guys don't live close off of campus.

Coming home also means you don't have a set schedule or at least not immediately. You may come back to a previous job and that puts something on your calendar, but the free time you still have during the week can be a little too much. I know I've spent way too much time obsessing over the Tati/James drama than I ever would have at school. The routine I had at school kept me busy and entertained, and I'm honestly missing it a lot right now.

There are a lot of other things to miss too - even things you thought you wouldn't. You miss the classes, the teachers, and sometimes the food. I know I miss the environment. It isn't a perfect one, but it's full of people just trying to find their way. We are all working through the roller coaster of life and we are all stuck on one beautiful campus together while we figure it all out. I miss meeting new people at the bus stops or running into old classmates and catching up.

I guess the bonus for me is that I just finished sophomore year which means I have more time to spend at school. Come senior year, I guess I'll have to learn quickly how to deal without the things I miss - and also create a schedule so I can travel to see all of my friends, but those are all problems for future me.

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