sex (n.): (chiefly with reference to people) sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse.
Above is the "official" definition of sex, as stated by the Oxford Dictionary. Just like sex itself, it's sweet and simple (unless you like it rough, which is totally a matter of personal preference). So then why is there so much controversy over a three letter word?
Growing up, I attended private schools—private Catholic schools, to be specific. The only form of sexual education I ever received during that time was watching a botched abortion video my junior year of high school (and yes, it was as horrific as it sounds). Of course, you can't expect to receive a fully detailed and all-encompassing health course in an institution founded on the principles of a religion that pushes forward abstinence for unwed singles.
The problem lies here—abstinence is not an effective preventative method. Abstinence programs for youths may instill a fear of sex, but it doesn't take away the desire to have sex.
There is a reason why people—especially teens on the cusp of puberty and sexual awakening—are so intrigued and captivated by sex and all its preceding acts. Because it feels good. Nothing sinister or shameful about it. Sex has always been a part of human life, a primal instinct that has been in existence ever since Neanderthals first discovered what goes where.
However, most parents, out of fear of their child being intimate and making careless mistakes, tend to attach a negative stigma to sex whenever discussing it with their kids, which is more harmful than helpful. Instead of aiding in preventing any kind of sexual activity, this stigma lingers in the child as they explore sex and their own definition of it.
This leads to a more secretive nature when regarding sex, and possibly feelings of shame and guilt after the "act" is over with.
We're not teaching our kids to embrace sex, we're teaching them to feel ashamed of themselves for something that is innate and pleasurable. Even worse, by making sex seem reprehensible, teens are forced to keep their sexual lives shrouded in secrecy as they fumble their way through it.
Believe it or not, misinformation is the primary cause of unwanted teenage pregnancies and STDs, since the matter of "safe sex" is never discussed if sex isn't considered an option.
Even talking to my friends—all college students—I'm amazed by the lack of information and knowledge that young adults (who have already engaged in intercourse) possess about the act itself. Wanna hear something tragic? Ask a girl about the last time she orgasmed. Most will say "I don't know" or even worse, that they've never experienced one. The most worrying phrase I've ever heard was when I asked a friend if she's ever experienced an orgasm during sex and her response was, "Is that when you, like, pee a little bit?" I was appalled.
Parents should make an attempt to have an open and straightforward discussion with their kids about sex when they feel the time is right. This concept might be a little scary for parents to digest, but keeping in mind that the phenomenon of sex is natural, and can even be quite beautiful, should be enough to help propel discourse on the subject and dispel any dangerous myths that could be circulating (yes, you can get pregnant if it's your first time, yes, girls do watch porn, and NO, DOUBLE-BAGGING DOESN'T MAKE YOU EXTRA SAFE, it makes you extra stupid).
Sex shouldn't be scary or dangerous with the proper precautions and safety measures. Keep your kids safe and talk about sex!
