March 2016 - Watching sunsets from a larger cage

The wind on the high prairie that we were now situated on gave us no relief. As the spring grew warmer, the wind grew stronger. The husband found it impossible to be outside, unsheltered, working on the pickup and I found him intolerable to have standing over my shoulder while I was working on my homework. For some reason, those were the only options.

The dishes from my cooking remained unwashed until I asked him for a specific pan or knife. The husband would then make a huge production about washing those implements before expecting me to cook two to three meals every day from scratch.

I was thankful that the wind had forced him to locate the camp stove inside the fifth wheel, regardless of how dangerous it was.

With April came another family member

Although we had Mr. Pringles who had traveled with us up to Washington and back and earned his keep well on the campstead, when we were offered a tiny kitten who had lost her home, we were happy to take on yet another member of our animal family.

Like many other parents, we found enjoyment in the babies even when our relationship was falling down around us. Looking at this photo now, I can't even express how much I miss these two animals. They provided hours of happy memories and I know the puppy is still with the husband even though I no longer am.

Hanging Out in May

When our little pack of animals would pile in the fifth wheel to rest in the sun while the wind blew its hardest, the husband and I were forced to face one another. As June approached, his broken relationship with a daughter who was not interested in the overzealous father calling and demanding that she feel sad he wasn't closer effected everyone around him.

June was normally not too easy on me either, having had a difficult relationship with my own father, but the husband's moods required an eggshell carpet that had me living in fear of his angry outbursts. I poured myself into my schoolwork and tried to ignore the month ahead.

A Darkness Approaches in June

For most of June, the husband and I did not talk. When we did, witnesses were required. A friend of mine who had been driving me to church services and had helped me to procure a phone of my own for the first time since my marriage also began taking me to recovery meetings where I began to learn about codependency and addiction. I was able to talk in the meetings and was learning that I was still in a situation of abuse.

The abuse took a hard turn two days after father's day when the husband would believe it was his right to ignore my four loud "NO" statements.

His rape of me was taken less serious by our church patriarchy and the legal officials than my suicide ideation twelve hours later. Apparently in Arizona, if you become despondent when your husband rapes you, the appropirate reaction is to send armed sherrifs to interrogate the victim.

Apache County has my statement on the books and they have deemed it unnecessary to prosecute.

Leaving Arizona in July

I was in shock after the husband's attack. He went to stay at the old RV, while I packed my things. I had already been planning to leave for my granddaughter's birthdays in July up north. I planned to rent a car, but at the last minute the husband and a friend of his decided to give me one that had been sitting for a while. It was decided to have a mechanic shop check out the car before a decision was final. I certainly wasn't trusting the husband to do it.

The Car That Ran on Prayers

I had no idea when the 1983 Volvo sedan came my way, that I would be writing my thesis for a MFA program in Creative Writing about my journeys with it, but that is what is currently in the works! This car that ran on the prayers of not only me, but several Bishops and many of my friends and family, would carry me thousands of miles before it was retired.

Driving to and in Washington 

I made it to Washington on the granddaughter's birthday. I would enjoy time with many family members and friends who were generous with their homes and their ears to a woman who was confused and needed the comfort of the people who she knew cared about her.

My October 50th Birthday in Concho

Before I knew it, the time came to return to Arizona. I had promised friends in Arizona I would return for my 50th birthday without realizing that there was no place for me there. It was not appropriate for me to return to the husband and our fur family. Athena had traveled with me to Washington, she was mine alone.

My best friend in the mountains of Arizona loaned me the use of a homemade camper to stay in while I figured out my next move.

A Race for Divorce during the Election

When I finally came to the conclusion that I needed to file for divorce, I had no clue that the husband had the same idea on the same day.

It was election day. The local school was holding the presidential election, while we each went in at different times through a different door to obtain signatures from the only notary in town. I would soon find out I was only a few hours late to be declared the petitioner in our divorce.

A December of Death in Washington

It was cold in the Arizona mountains, but that wasn't the only reason I headed back to Washington State while I awaited my divorce hearing to be set. I had a feeling I needed to be there.

I would spend much more time in prayer with God than I imagined when I found out my first husband had returned to the country and was on the hospice ward close to Christmas.

I was happy we had time to say goodbye before he would meet his maker the same day Carrie Fisher died. Two days after Christmas in 2016, my adult daughter lost two of her heros on earth.

I received word that the Apache County court would not allow me to attend my divorce hearing by phone. They demanded that I return to the scene of the husband's crimes.

A January 2017 Trip South 

As I headed south once again to Arizona for our January 19th divorce hearing, I was forced out to the coast by several snowstorms suddenly overtaking the coastal states. The snow would follow me to the Grand Canyon and force me to leave the White Mountains only minutes after the divorce hearing was over.

I was anxious to be out of the cold and headed for Florida to find the sun and to search for warmth of any kind.

Finally A Tent for the Homeless Woman

A friend had loaned me a tent. I was happy to find a campground in central Florida to stay for a week after having lived in the Volvo for several weeks at that point.

Yes, Florida is nice, but it quickly became obvious I needed to head north and into cooler weather when my allergies began to act up.

A Race to Finish My Bachelors Degree While Living in a Car

As I traveled north from Florida, I was heading towards the brick and mortar presence of the college I attended online. I soon fell into a routine. I would sleep at a parking lot near a dog park. We would go to a dog park for a few hours, then I would head to a library.

Parking in the shade where Athena would not be bothered, I would spend hours in the library charging my electronics and doing my homework. Then I would come out and eat and go back to the dog park.

Then, I would drive to our next area where the day would begin again. We did this for weeks on the way to New Hampshire.