I felt like I had hit my all-time low last semester. Classes were not going the way I wanted, I was constantly stressed, I was unhappy and honestly, I felt as though I had lost sight of myself.
At first, I thought my lack of happiness stemmed from my stress and exhaustion, but I soon realized it stemmed from me not prioritizing myself.
I had allowed myself to become surrounded by people who were toxic to my wellbeing, and I didn't realize that at the time. When I was with them I never felt good enough and l was often excluded. I watched all those people, who I had considered good friends, have the time of their lives while I was left all by myself.
This went on for the first semester of my sophomore year. I felt like I was merely surviving every day when I wanted to be thriving.
Then winter break came and I felt peace — I finally did the soul-searching I so desperately needed.
I decided that I deserved better and I was gonna start loving myself instead of loving others who couldn't care less about me.
Self-love is really a dynamic process. One moment it's exhilarating, and the next moment it's heartbreaking.
I did something I had never done before. I started prioritizing myself and fighting for myself. In the process, I lost a relationship with someone I considered a dear friend. I felt broken. I felt like I had lost a part of myself. I kept wondering if I had done the right thing. Then, I came to terms with the gut-wrenching truth: if someone truly wanted to be in my life, he or she would be.
I used to fear being alone, but I have come to realize that it is better to be alone than in bad company. However, if there is something I have learned this month, it's that I am never truly alone. There will always be people who will love and support me — it just might be difficult to see them at times.
I have started to appreciate the people who I DO HAVE and I have started learning how to let go of the people who simply are not meant to stay in my life.
Loving myself takes courage because it means prioritizing myself even when no one else does. Letting go of people who are no longer serving me is a struggle, but I know now that I need to realize not everyone in my life is meant to stay.
Some people come into our lives solely to teach us a lesson, to help us grow, to show us that we deserve so much more than what we've been receiving.
The only way to truly find your people is by working on loving yourself and finding what you are passionate about.
Start focusing on yourself for once. Learn something new, work on bettering yourself and do things because they make YOU happy. Slowly you'll start to find yourself again and you will find that happiness you've longed for within yourself.
Aristotle once said, "Happiness depends upon ourselves." Bless up.
Keep your head up, stand tall, remember that you deserve better.
