Secrets Of An Insecure Girl

Secrets Of An Insecure Girl

Behind Every Smile, Lies a Multitude Of Insecurities.
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You may see a girl with a smile on her face, but behind that smile lies the secrets of an insecure girl.

Ever since I can remember, insecurity has haunted me. It may subside for a time, but eventually it worms its way back into my life and I can't seem to shake it. It's a combination of fear and judgement that fuels the fire. The fire ignites the insecurity that I will never amount to anything, never meet the expectations that I have placed on myself and ultimately, the insecurity that I will never be good enough. Behind the laughter and every smile lies these insecurities. Behind this front, behind this facade, is a girl who holds tight to a multitude of insecurities.

I am that girl. The girl who constantly turns a casual "hello" or look in her direction into a detrimental moment. You see, when you looked in my direction or casually said "hello," the insecurities creep back in and I instinctively fear the judgement of others, and that wonderful gesture has once again turned into a scenario where the "you're not good enough" insecurity worms its way back in. But, I don't make it known. I don't voice these hidden insecurities. But rather, I smile back and hope I've pulled it off.

Everyday I struggle with insecurities. I struggle with the idea that I will never be good enough. But throughout this past year, I have slowly begun to find security in the one who spoke me into being. Throughout this year I have been able to find comfort and security in Jesus Christ. Yes, I may still struggle with my insecurities everyday, but I can finally breathe. And when I feel an insecurity worming its way back in, I can take a deep breath and be reminded that His love covers me.

I am a girl who struggles with insecurities, but I serve a God who reminds me that I am worth more than many sparrows.

"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows."

-Luke 16:6-7


Cover Image Credit: Stocksnap

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To The Girl Who Isn't Graduating On Time, It Won't Feel Any Less Amazing When You Do

Graduating is something to be proud of no matter how long it takes you.

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To the girl who isn't graduating college "on time,"

I promise, you will get there eventually, and you will walk across that graduation stage with the biggest smile on your face.

You may have a different journey than the people you grew up with, and that is OKAY. You may have some twists and turns along the way, a few too many major changes, a life change, you may have taken most of a semester off to try to figure your life out, and you're doing the best you can.

Your family and your friends don't think less of you or your accomplishments, they are proud of your determination to get your degree.

They are proud of the woman you are becoming. They don't think of you as a failure or as someone any less awesome than you are. You're getting your degree, you're making moves towards your dreams and the life that you have always wanted, so please stop beating yourself up while you see people graduating college on time and getting a job or buying a car.

Your time will come, you just keep doing what you need to do in order to get on that graduation stage.

Your path is set out for you, and you will get there with time but also with patience. The place you're at right now is where you are supposed to be. You are going to thrive and you are going to be the best version of you when you graduate and start looking for a company that you will be proud to work for. Don't look on social media and feel less than, because at least you're still working towards your degree that you are finally passionate about. You will be prepared. You will be ready once the time comes and you cross the stage, move away, and start your journey in whatever field you're going into.

Don't question yourself, and be confident in your abilities.

With love,

A girl who isn't graduating on time

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Finding Your Worth In The Rest Instead Of The Productive

Genesis 1 has more behind in than we thought...

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"And there was evening, and there was morning" (Genesis 1 NIV)

Have you ever looked at Genesis like a poem? Have you ever considered the creation story to be a beautiful love poem to us? I did not until I listened to this amazing podcast that rocked my world. I started listening to the BEMA podcast while on a mission trip with my host family. They played us this podcast and my whole perspective on the meaning of Genesis 1 changed forever. I am not going to give a word by wordplay on what the podcast said, but wanted to dive into one part that made me look at the idea of "resting" differently.

In the podcast, they discuss how it starts with "evening" and not "morning." We say our days start in the morning with productivity, but the podcast said the Lord wanted us to start our days with "rest." That is why it says "evening" instead of "morning." This part is listed after each day and then on the seventh day, God said it was holy and did not start a new day as an invitation to us to start our days with rest. It also discussed the importance of Sabbath and that holy day.

I am not going to get biblical, but I wanted this message about not finding our worth in productivity to be talked about a little this morning. I also planned my days the night before… I would wake up, workout, cook, go to work, homework, walk the dog, etc. then come back to some nice Netflix and a bubble bath. "Was it a successful day?" I would ask myself based on all the things I did that day instead of all the quiet time I had in rest with the Lord that day.

What a crazy concept. Looking at Genesis 1 like a poem to me stating, "child don't find your worth in productivity" means so much because we as humans tend to do that. We want to be the best of the best at everything we do and to do that we work, and work, and never stop working. God wants us to know since we are created in His image, we are "very good." Notice after every other creation he says "it was good" but after the creation of us, he says "it was very good." We are not "perfect" human beings regardless of how hard we try to be. We strive to be the busiest by comparing schedules, we want to be the best at what we do so we put in the hours, but when can we allow ourselves to be the best at just being us? When is it socially okay for us to rest and spend time in quiet to renew our minds?

I am currently a full-time missionary with not much responsibility besides ministry. Back in the states, I was busy all day and would find fun things to do at night. Out here when I am not doing ministry, I end up finding things for myself to do just to be busy. I won't get home until December 1st and I am already car and job searching. I want to learn how to REST and BE. Who is with me?

I encourage you to go back and read Genesis 1 sweet friends, look closely at what it is trying to tell us. Find your worth in the heavenly father, not in your earthly desires. You were created and you were "very good" to God. You are loved for who you are and not what you do.

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