You may see a girl with a smile on her face, but behind that smile lies the secrets of an insecure girl.
Ever since I can remember, insecurity has haunted me. It may subside for a time, but eventually it worms its way back into my life and I can't seem to shake it. It's a combination of fear and judgement that fuels the fire. The fire ignites the insecurity that I will never amount to anything, never meet the expectations that I have placed on myself and ultimately, the insecurity that I will never be good enough. Behind the laughter and every smile lies these insecurities. Behind this front, behind this facade, is a girl who holds tight to a multitude of insecurities.
I am that girl. The girl who constantly turns a casual "hello" or look in her direction into a detrimental moment. You see, when you looked in my direction or casually said "hello," the insecurities creep back in and I instinctively fear the judgement of others, and that wonderful gesture has once again turned into a scenario where the "you're not good enough" insecurity worms its way back in. But, I don't make it known. I don't voice these hidden insecurities. But rather, I smile back and hope I've pulled it off.
Everyday I struggle with insecurities. I struggle with the idea that I will never be good enough. But throughout this past year, I have slowly begun to find security in the one who spoke me into being. Throughout this year I have been able to find comfort and security in Jesus Christ. Yes, I may still struggle with my insecurities everyday, but I can finally breathe. And when I feel an insecurity worming its way back in, I can take a deep breath and be reminded that His love covers me.
I am a girl who struggles with insecurities, but I serve a God who reminds me that I am worth more than many sparrows.
"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is
forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered.
Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows."