The best part about being alive is that you always get a second chance.
I feel like I need a second chance to redo this summer. I always have so much that I want to accomplish during the summers but I never get around to doing any of them. And to be honest, I didn't really think about why things never got crossed off my list until now.
I never do anything by myself over the summer. Since Andrew is home, I like to do as much with him as possible. I will happily go along to Home Depot with him and listen to home improvement things I don't understand anything about, just so we have quality time together. My mom and I always want to spend more time together over the summers since she gets really sad when I have to go back to school. Even if that means going grocery shopping with her and being super impatient when I have to stand at the register with her for 15 minutes while she hands over her million coupons. I'll call up a friend to go to Target with me. Or to the movies. Or out to lunch.
Because I won't do any of those things by myself.
And I'm not really sure why. I do these things by myself during the school year with no issues. But after really thinking about it, I realized maybe it's because I feel guilty that I'm not spending time with Andrew while he's home. Or maybe it's because I feel awkward at the possibility of seeing people I know and getting trapped into a conversation with no escape. Maybe it's because I don't like being alone. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I do it subconsciously and I didn't even realize I was doing that until the summer was over.
There's a lot of things I missed out on this summer because I was too nervous to experience them by myself. I didn't go hiking or went to a food festival or had a picnic. I never got to spend a weekend with Liz or even went to target by myself. I never spent a whole weekend in my apartment by myself or went grocery shopping by myself. And yeah, maybe I do feel uncomfortable doing things by myself but it's stupid to sit around and wait for everyone else to be free to do these things with you. Life is too short to wait around for other people.
I know this semester I'll be by myself a lot. Whether it's grocery shopping, studying in the library, or just laying on the couch. And sure at first being in public by myself will be slightly uncomfortable, but I'm tired of waiting for everyone else to make time for me. I'm going to learn to love doing things on my own and I'm excited to start that journey. Next summer I don't want a second chance.