Since discovering the immense personal benefits that arise from giving something a second chance, I've been itching to write this piece and share my college experience so far, in a nutshell.
Much like many of the Bryn Mawrters that were never able to admit it to themselves or to their peers, there was a point in time when I wanted nothing more than to transfer out of Bryn Mawr College. The worst part was that I didn’t have a single concrete reason as to why. I just know that I struggled fitting at school, in the crowd, everything, every day.
Bryn Mawr, objectively, is a wonderful institution. Its nature is to make everyone feel welcomed, loved and supported. As an established member of the BMC community, you know that a large fraction of the student body has your back, which is one of the reasons I had the courage to write this article. I am comfortable knowing that a lot of you must have felt the same at some point in your time here, and others will at least, empathize.
I’m the youngest in my family of four, led a sheltered childhood where my parents always guided me, and I never realized how much I depended on their views and their opinions until they left the decision of choosing the college I would go to onto me. I was baffled by the number of things one had to consider while choosing where they would spend the next four years of their lives. I didn't know where this could lead me to?
My reasons for choosing Bryn Mawr over the other schools on my list were sort of cliché; good variety of academic departments, good food (or so they said), beautiful campus, only 20 minutes by train from Philadelphia, the tri-co, and last but not least, consortium with the University of Pennsylvania. Most of you will judge me or cringe when you read this, I know. But in truth, my reasons are not that different from the average Mawrter's reasons for choosing to apply.
Like a silly high school student who was a big fan of the Twilight franchise, my main priorities were to make the best of friends and finally find myself in the middle of one legendary romantic relationship with an Edward Cullen lookalike (Not Robert Pattinson, the Edward Cullen described in the book) and I wasn’t going to get that here.
I went to all of the websites that had reviews of Bryn Mawr. Like my family had in the past, I needed someone to hold my hand and pull me into the direction I should walk toward. I didn’t want to make this decision on my own. I wanted someone else to make it for me because, I reflected later, I didn’t want to blame myself when/if it didn’t work out.
Warning signs flashed, when there were reviews that said ‘this is not the normal college experience you will have’ and ‘there are no parties here’. The movie "Sydney White" didn’t show you a college that didn’t have all of that. I was so influenced by Hollywood movies and the snapchats of the people around me, that I didn’t even realise that if they were actually having such a great time at the party, they wouldn’t have found the time to take out their phone, film the party and put it on their Snapstory.
On my second day here, I called my parents and said that this was probably the best decision I had made. I had the best of friends, "Haverbros" were a new and interesting concept to me, and the food was so good! I was excited, how could anyone not like being here?
But then it all started. The fall, the slump, the doubting and changing and most of all, the hopelessness. I remember coming back from my class at Haverford and being really sad. Because now i was bored of the idea of "Haverbros," or had finally understood what Tinder was being used for. I was even jealous of all my high school friends and their amazing stories of how they had found new best friends and gone out to XYZ parties and gotten so drunk that they didn’t even remember most of their nights. I wanted to have those types of nights.
I wanted to make silly mistakes and live my life with no care about what will happen tomorrow. Coming from a city, where 11pm is too early to enter a party, I knew that this lifestyle of eating dinners at 5pm and working all night wasn’t me.
Transferring seemed like the only way out. But how could I decide which school to transfer to? I was already rejected from my dream school and applying somewhere else to face that rejection seemed to be another source of anxiety. I felt a wave of hopelessness. I was a college student, shouldn’t I be confident by now? Shouldn’t I be old enough to know which direction to walk towards? What path to choose? How could deciding to transfer be so complicated if I knew I wasn’t going to remain happy here? That this wasn’t the place for me?
One evening, I called my brother, crying. He panicked when he heard my voice, fearing I was in trouble. I explained the situation to him, and in a mixture of ridicule and relief, he laughed for a good ten minutes, making me feel foolish, as brothers will.
Then he explained his reason for laughing and stringed together words worthy enough of being engraved. He said “I went to a co-ed Engineering college, and towards the end I was so desperate to see a woman that I would pretend to wait outside a Psychology class because it was the only class with more than two girls in it.” (No, probably not that.) “Your problem isn’t that it is a women’s college, or a small college or a college with no parties in it. Your problem is that you went to your college with so many expectations of it being one of your romantic movie sets that you actually forgot the advantages of being a Mawrtyr.
No, you don’t have your Edward Cullen, but you do have some of the best college dining halls out there. No you don’t have a sorority house, but you have sisterhood, spacious rooms, and a tight community without going through the trouble of rushing. Lastly, no you don’t have your parties with a hundred men running after you, but in it’s place you do have your May Days and Hell Weeks and Lanterns, some days of enjoyment and fun that no one apart your community gets to revel in.
College is not a movie. It is not easy. It’s an experience. It’s your experience and you can write it the way you want.” (These were the words I was talking about) “All those people on snapchat, they’re missing something too, they’re losing out on something too. Just because they don’t put it up on social media doesn’t mean they’re happy all the time.”
He made me realise that it wasn’t the college that was making me unhappy. It was my concentration on the areas where it lacked. I was standing in my own way. Transferring would have been so easy! Just move on and don’t look back here. But have you asked yourself this: What if I’m not happy there? What if I go there and all I want is to hear someone Annass or have my customs person to run to?
We don’t realise how much this college gives us because we refuse to move away from focusing on things that it doesn't provide. But if you look closely, love shines from every corner and arch of Bryn Mawr. There is a certain sense of safety and comfort somewhere within these walls that let’s us actually be ourselves. And some of us have a really hard time finding it.
You can’t compare your concept of fun, your idea of fun, to a standard set by others. You can only compare yourself and your experiences to your own yesterday. If you weren’t happy then, make an effort to be different today.
Go out on your own! Explore the beautiful city close by you have so close by you. Don’t just have dinner at Tiffin. Go downtown! Try new places. Philadelphia has so much to offer! Leaving this bubble can only do you good. Join a club. Be honest with people! Be yourself. You’ll find hundreds hiding in their shells looking for people, just like you to befriend.
I made a change. I’ve found my people. I’ve found my one reason to stay that gives me immense amount of happiness. I’ve looked at Bryn Mawr with a second glance. I’ve given Bryn Mawr a second chance.
And let me give you a last remark: so far, I’ve been living happily ever after.
