As I think more about exclusion on campus, I realize that what I’m doing is what everyone else is doing. Thinking. Talking. Apologizing. Trying to make sense of why, in the 21^st century at a liberal arts school, bigotry still runs rampant. I know that cracking the code has to predate finding a solution, but we’ve done enough talking.

I have been present at numerous dialogues that discuss the forces of exclusion on our campus. While I think they are incredibly insightful and allow me to understand in ways that my position in society does not, the only people that benefit from them are the ones that show up. The ones that usually show up are those who are either impacted by exclusion or those who are trying to fight it. What’s missing from this equation is the people who are perpetuating exclusion in the first place.

While part of the solution is getting people in the room for these conversations, there is so much more that needs to happen. While the initial part of making amends for the terrible things that happen on this campus is a start, it is not enough. It has never been enough. It should never be enough. Apologies start the healing process but they aren’t meaningful enough to finish it. Under these circumstances, actions speak louder than words. Take a minute to imagine how it feels to receive apology after apology for the same injustice and not see any changes in how people behave. And that’s all most of us can do – imagine. But it doesn’t take a genius to realize that this has to feel like being knocked down on the totem pole of this school over and over again. I don’t think I would have the strength to climb back up.

In order to truly show that you understand how these excluded groups feel, especially if you are the excluder, act on it. Prove that you and the groups you hurt are more than the apology your faculty advisor made you give. Prove that you can do more than throw words at a problem and walk away. This is a vicious cycle that has yet to be broken because the victims can’t break it for you. Change comes from within and we are at the center of this problem.

I also find it frustrating that conversations only happen when people get caught. Why do we only care about solving problems after they occur rather that attempting to prevent them in the first place? Is it genuine to hold a conversation about exclusion after the exclusion has already happened and those at fault need to salvage their reputations? My answer is no, but you might feel differently. The reason why I say no is because we shouldn’t be racist, sexist, classist, and homophobic in the first place. Instead of saying “okay” when those at fault admit their wrongdoing, we need to ask “What now?” if we want anything to change. Don’t let yourself be bought by an apology because you are worth so much more than that and you have the right to make demands.