If you're anything like me, you live in constant fear of disappointing people you care for; whether it's a friend, family member, significant other, or even a coworker. With this fear, comes the dread of saying "No," when you can't oblige to a commitment.
What is so hard about saying no? Well, it can hurt, anger, or disappoint the person you are saying "No" to (ultimately - for lack of a better word - it sucks).
Saying "No" when I either don't want to commit to something, or I honestly just don't have the time or interest has been SO hard for me, especially these past few months while trying to balance a post-graduate life, working full-time, handling two jobs, and trying to find myself in the "real, adult world." Here are some tips I have come up with on handling how to say "No."
1. Check in with your mental and physical health.
When you are asked to do a favor for someone, or receive an invitation, or are in any way called upon to give your time and energy to something, take a moment to see how you feel in your body. Does this commitment give you anxiety, or make you tired and grumpy even thinking about it? If so, listen to your body and don't commit. Your body is wise and will often send signals if it cannot commit to something.
2. Ask yourself, "Do I really want to do this?"
If your answer isn't clear try to write it out, or plan it out so you can make a more precise decision. Or, talk it over with someone you trust - but, I often find myself stuck, even more, when I ask other people for advice, so beware.
3. Take time before answering.
This is SO important - even if the answer is a no-brainer it's still important to think it over. My initial reaction to any invitation, request, or proposition is "Sure!" but then once I accept it and think it over i begin to realize i have 10 million other things I booked that same day, and while I may want to be there, I just can't - and to be honest, that's okay.
4. Start by saying "No" to little things.
We all have to start off somewhere, right? Instead of saying "No" to a huge obligation, start by saying "No" to the people who bug you at the mall, or a social event. The more you practice saying "No" to little events, the easier it will be to refuse bigger propositions.
5. Don't give elaborate excuses.
Say someone invites you to dinner and you don't have any other plans, but you just don't feel like going - don't feel like you need to give an elaborate excuse. At the end of the day, not too many people care about why you can't make it, they just care if you plan on going or not.
Learning to say "No" is a life skill, that is often hard to obtain. For some, it comes naturally, but for me, it unfortunately does not. While it may not feel right at first, it's necessary for living life truthfully.
