An endless cycle

of up and down,

repetition that

never seems to end.

It makes me wonder

and it makes me cry.

it's what led me

to drive to the top of the city

and recall every time

I've repeated my actions

and screwed up

each time I felt like

there was some sort of purpose

of trying in the first place.

My mother used to say

at least you tried

and I always question what trying means.

Is it putting myself in the same scenarios?

Or removing myself and moving on

only to accidentally end up

making the same mistake?

I think it's a little bit of both,

and honestly

the pattern is getting old.

Repetition makes me want

to stop everything all together

and wait until the day I know

the cycle will stop,

and the clock will quit resetting itself.

no feeling

no meaning

no point.

a sign

a light

a hope.